W Left almost 3 months ago

[FellOnBlackDays]

2step,
First, let me say this. The night you proposed to your W was a wonderful, magical evening. It is OK to let it live on in your heart. Don't feel ashamed of thinking about this. But also consider this. If you have ever researched the stages of grief, you will recognize that you are probably in "anger" right now with a touch of "bargaining." None the less, don't feel bad about your memories. They are special and don't ever lose them. But, you might want to "put them away somewhere" for now. Although they are beautiful, they are not helpful right now. Change the "video" playing in your head and your environment as soon as possible if you can. Get on here, surf the net for new things you would like to buy, call a friend. But, please don't sit there alone watching that "video" over and over. It is not good for you.

As for your disappointment of no contact today, I have some thoughts on that also. I know my MC came of like a US Marine Corp Drill Instructor today, but he is very good at what he does. He has already talked with me about the issue you are dealing with right now and it can be harmful to your mental well-being. As humans, we have a bad habit of doing things with expectations. Although you did a great job of taking control by sending those papers back, which I applaud you again for your strength, you may have done it with "expectations" attached. You sent them and then expected a response. It is hard, but you need to stop trying to do this. Look, I do it to and it is a hard habit to break. But it is not good for you. My MC is right. Don't interact with her with "expectations" attached. When you do this, you put unnecessary pressure on the situation and on yourself. You can't control her actions. So, if you do something with "expectations" attached and your expectations are not met, you are disappointed and begin to grieve. I hope that makes sense.

Instead, do this. Sign the papers, mail them and expect nothing. I know, I know, easier said than done. But, give it a try. For weeks, I would call my W and then get pissed when she wouldn't call back. I was carrying out an action with "expectations" attached. So, when she wouldn't call back for whatever reason (spite, just didn't get the call, etc.), I would get all upset and my mind would start cooking up all kinds of crap that wasn't actually happening.

Next time, just do something for you and try not to attach any expectations. Just do it and then try to let it go. You will find that over time this gets easier to do. Now, you will revert from time to time. I still do it myself. But give it a try. You might find some really pleasant results.

Just a little something to consider that might help you, buddy.

Keep pushing. Keep working. Keep DB'ing. Yes, the geographical distance between you and your W is going to be an issue that some of us on here don't have to face. But, just consider it another thing you are going to crush with your efforts.

With time, the oyster always turns the grain of sand to a pearl... Kick that sand's *ss the best you can!!

B.I.T.S.

FOBD