I failled horribly...

[FellOnBlackDays]

B.I.T.S.

Well, we go on an on here about how our WAS's think they have it all figured out. I guess I thought I did too and I got a shock today. I had my weekly appt with my MC this morning. I told him all about my latest interactions with my W. He still contends that some of her behavior is a bit odd and puts forth the notion that she might not have a firm grip on reality right now.

Anyway, I told him about my weekend and how I was planning to let her come over on Saturday for the kitchen stuff and on Sunday for the furniture. He really got on me. Here is how the conversation went:

MC: Couldn't you have carried all this out in one day? Whose idea was it to have her spend two days doing all this?

Me: Hers.

MC: Are you happy with this arrangement?

Me: I guess. I didn't really give it much thought. I am trying to be "cool" to her right now.

MC: Are you planning on being there on Saturday and Sunday for all of this?

ME: Yes.

MC: Bad idea. You are letting her go back to having all the control here. I don't like this.

ME: How so? I have stood my ground on many occasions. She knows I mean business.

MC: Really, then why didn't you condense this to one day? This doesn't require two visits. Are you agreeing to this because you really want to spend time with her?

ME: Probably. I haven't seen her in weeks. I miss her. Plus, I want to make sure she doesn't run off with things that I want.

MC: OK, well how about this plan instead. Tomorrow morning, call her, tell her that she can come over for one hour. During that hour, she can have free reign of the house. She is to place any item she wants on the kitchen table or floor. You, by the way, will leave the house unlocked and you will leave a few minutes before she gets there. Tell her when she is finished piling the stuff up in the kitchen, she is to leave and lock the house behind her. You then return, decide what you are willing to let her have, box it up and when she returns on Sunday morning, hand her the box or boxes. I don't recommend any face-to-face interactions. I think this is not what you need right now.

ME: This seems a bit rude.

MC: No, it is not. You are not telling her she can't have anything. But, you are also telling her you will not stand there while she picks over the carcass of your marriage.

ME: But, but...

MC: But what, (name)? You are agreeing to this because you think she misses you right? You want her to come over and spend time with you, right?

ME: Yes.

MC: Who wins at the end of this, (name)?

ME: I don't know.

MC: She does, (name). She does. And this is how. OK, so you say she is showing signs of missing you, right? You say you suspect that she is dragging this out to two visits because she wants to be around you, correct? Apparently she doesn't miss you that much as she now has a new place, wants furniture, money from you for what you are going to keep and is showing up with movers on Sunday. Doesn't sound like to me she really misses you that much does it? If she really missed you why hasn't she brought up your M or any possibility of a reconciliation? (Name), you are setting your self up for a dangerous situation.

Yes, there is a good chance she does miss you, but not in the way you would like. She is "jones'ing" like a drug addict for you, not missing you. You are a drug she took for years and that drug made her happy. She can't get that drug right now, so she butters you up, comes over hangs out for two days, gets her fix and then leaves again and you will be devastated. This is really all about her, (name). She will come over, take stuff to furnish her new kitchen in her new life, get a huge check from you for her 1/2 of the stuff you kept, a quick "pick me up" of (name) drug to calm her nerves and she will walk out happy as a lark. Not once in all this will she have to face what she has done or the damage she has inflicted on you.

You, on the other hand, will have lost 1/2 your kitchen, a substantial amount of money and will end up missing her more than ever even though the feelings are not mutual. You lose, (name). You lose badly. (Name), when are you going to start making her face what she has done? Yes, I know you took her house keys, her wedding ring, demanded money from her for bills, etc. But I mean really start to make her face what she has done? More importantly, (name), by God, when are you really going to start putting yourself first?

B.I.T.S., I was floored. I had no response. I sat there completely quiet and couldn't think of a thing to say other than, "Well, some of my friends on a forum I joined agree with you." That was all I could muster up.

She is going to be here in the morning and I am not sure what to do. I want to see her sooooooooo freakin' bad, but he is right. I am not sure if the feelings are mutual. What if all she really wants is the kitchen stuff? He went on:

MC: (name), are you prepared for next week?

Me: What do you mean?

MC: You do realize that when she walks out of your house on Sunday, she will no longer need you. She will have furnished her new place, lined her pocket book, and will be set for the foreseeable future. You do realize that she may never call you again? You do realize all that will be left will be to file for the D? You will spend the entire weekend on "cloud 9" b/c you got to be with her and you have to face the fact that you may never see her again. She could get a L on Monday, and never have to face you again. Then you will back here in my office a wreck again. You had better get your head straight, my friend. Stop feeding her madness and get your act together. Start thinking about you. It is clear that her timing is not accidental. After weeks of ignoring you, she now suddenly wants to be your friend. Coincidentally, the same time that she needs furniture and access to the house. What makes you think you will hear from her again after Sunday?

Once again, I was floored...

Help, B.I.T.S.????

FOBD