Dixie, No, you are definitely the only one to dream about the good times. I have done it too. I have dreams where her and I are together again and when I wake up, I just want to die. It is OK. It is all part of the process. I wish I had some cool advice to give you on how to deal with it, but I have none. Sorry about that.
I do want you to focus on something Hope said:
"Something else you need think about... he HAS to smile in front of everyone, he HAS to pretend to be happy.... otherwise he looks like an idiot for walking out. If he walks around looking sad or upset or angry, family and friends will tell him he's messed up, to get help, to go back home to his wife and stop messing up his life. He's trying to prove to the world he's not wrong."
That is some really good advice and logic. He has to look happy or he is a fool of his own doing. He convinced himself that leaving you would make him happy. If he lets on to others that he is not happy, he will appear silly. That smile is fake. With a WAS, many of the "good times" are fake. It keeps them from realizing that they don't have all the answers. It shelters them from the hurt they have caused. It allows them to hide from the fact that they have hurt their spouse dearly. But they can't hide forever...
Keep posting! Let us be here for you. Hang in there!
B.I.T.S.
FOBD
Me: 39 W: 36 T: 15 yrs M: 9 yrs S: 09/10
So you can get on with your search, baby And I can get on with mine And maybe someday we will find, That it wasn't really wasted time...
