But I still don't think it justifies him having an affair
No it doesn't.
It is their reaction to not having things go their way.
Not having things meet their expectations
To their fear and insecurities.
To adversity in the M.
If we are honest with ourselves we had/have the same entitlement for ourselves in our M.
Part of this, the most important part IMO, is to define what your M and love means to YOU.
Is it defined by how your spouse chooses to see it?
How they choose to express love in a M?
I don't think it's always a reaction to not having things go their way. Maybe we're just phrasing stuff differently, but I see it as self medicating ... to erase the pain ... or, more accurately, to mask it, cover it up. And I don't mean the pain of adversity in marriage, I mean the pain they've been carrying for a long, long time. Their demons. The battles they are too scared to fight. This pain has, in part, created some of the adversity in the marriage, and I think on some level they know this and it's this contribution that adds to the pain and intensifies it. So they run.
Holding onto anger to punish someone else, is like lighting yourself on fire to get smoke in their eyes ~ 25yearsmlc
