Sorry, I've been down with the flu something fierce.
What FindingMyVoice says:
Quote:
Much to my surprise, I started doing similar things to what you're doing now. The way my IC described it was it just boils down to resentment. You're still hurt. When you say things like 'you don't really want to try to work things out, do you' - that tells me you're still scared and untrusting and you're kind of asking her for reassurance that she DOES want to stay and work. You're still grieving what was; unsure and afraid of what will be; and, frankly, you're still likely pretty angry. It's ok to be angry. But those huge feelings are likely what's preventing you from 'following through' as you say. Sounds like all pretty human emotions to me.
Is something I felt as well. Something I had to fight in myself. I wanted reassurances, I found myself seeking it in stupid ways. Attacking her, and hoping that she would respond positively.
Truthfully at the time, I wanted her to fail, but she didn't.
Something that helped me, was realizing that my old marriage was dead, and I was glad for it, but that we, my wife and I were building a new one, with none of the crap from before.
I had to stop attacking her, take a look a look and see that she was trying, and that by provoking her, I might have gotten verbal reassurance that she was trying, but I was pointing out why she shouldn't be.
You do need to forgive yourself, you do need to forgive her too. A question for you, would you want to be with her if she keep reminding you of a mistake you made? Even if you were trying to overcome it? How long before you began to wonder if she would ever forgive you?
I hope you'll pardon me, my brain is still a bit scrambled from the flu, I hope that makes some sort of sense and helps.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
