Having a really hard time...

[what next?]

I'm pretty sure I'm going to email her. I don't think I could even fake it long enough for a short call lol

[what next?]

Plus I feel like if I email her I can leave with a question (like she did) and that way I keep the conversation going. If I call and we finish there is no point for her to contact me again.

[MrBond]

Again, you are letting your fear guide you. Jump in and start swimming. She wants a guy who isn't afraid and will take charge. With you expecting her to text you back if you end with a question is just game playing.

I will tell you exactly what will happen. There will come a time when she stops answering and you will be going all paranoid again like how you were yesterday when she didn't respond right away.

You said you wanted to know what to do yet you dismiss everyone's advice and keep asking why things aren't working. Try something different.

[Grace_O]

What if she resonds in a way that shuts down the convo?

What if she doesn't respond to your email at all?

What if the sun suddenly explodes?

Worse case scenarios can run through your mind constantly if you let them.

You sound like I was. Thinking everything I did was my "last chance" and if I blew it well, I would never get another one.

My point is, you sound desperate and I know you are. Believe me, I get it. We all do here.

What could you do that might help you with that?

HUGS

[troysbikes23]

My advice would be, to try and show her you have your own life too. I mean try not to be dramatic when you have contact with her. When you sit and worry about it, and then they call and all that built up angst comes out in your tone, and your overall demeanor. A joke someone told me that helped me was: think about someone you know who is really good at worrying, a friend or family, then call them and tell them what your worrying about and let them do the worrying for you.

I hope this helps, it's hard but either way we have to be happy

[what next?]

No, I get it and I want to call her but if I'm not able to make it through a call without breaking down I think it's best to email. I know that calling her is an important step and I agree completely that I have to get to that point I just don't want to blow my progress by sounding weak on the phone when I can control my emotion through an email.

[Grace_O]

For all the feedback we get here, we ultimately have to decide for ourselves what will work best for us. Just work on keeping the fear at bay. It takes patience and practice.

[what next?]

Yeah that's what I'm doing I just don't want to set myself back by losing it in the phone. I feel like I'm doing OK at building some trust back and I don't want to screw that up. It is fear but it is also my reality at this point.

[MrBond]

"It is fear but it is also my reality at this point."

No it is not reality. You can change that "reality". So run down the numbers. She filed and is ready to go with the D. That's what you're afraid of. The sooner you get over your fear, the better. As a suggestion, maybe go running or something very physical to boost your adrenaline levels before calling. It'll keep you in a much calmer place.

But again it's your call. All of the second-guessing is in your head. You have to be stronger than her. Be strong in you and believe that you can overcome this. You keep asking what you should be doing. Well this is first and foremost. Build yourelf back up.

[what next?]

Yeah, I am working on me... That's why I'm in Houston and it has really been great so far. I'm not afraid of the divorce, I have accepted that that will happen. That doesn't mean that I can talk to her on the phone and hear her voice sound so impersonal and not be crushed by that. I have some momentum (or at least I feel like I do) and I don't want to mess that up. I know what you are saying and I want to call her but I don't want to do it before I'm capable of getting through the call without screwing it up lol.

Trust me, I appreciate all of the help that I am getting here, if I didn't I wouldn't still be here