ok ok ok - you are all right. of course! Seriously - you are all correct...let me pause right now while I put my phone on vibrate...
You all keep posting to me that I need to be comfortable being ALONE. BE happy ALONE. This might be very difficult for me, and this is why I think that is...
This is important for all of you to realize about me - I am a screaming extrovert. SCREAMING. anyone who knows the difference between extroverts and introverts, it is all about how they are energized. period. It isn't that extroverts talk alot - outgoing - loud and introverts are non-talkers, shy and quiet. BUll SHEOT. Introverts can be the biggest talkers in the world.
It is about how you are energized. People energize extroverts, they NEED to be around people to recharge their internal battery. People EXHAUST introverts, they need to be alone after they have been with people to reenergize their internal battery.
For example: The idea of being on a desert island for a month without any type of communication with the outside world - would you say this sounds incredible - SIGN ME UP? or would you be like me and immediately want to vomit? I would probably kill myself or go crazy. The idea of being without people for a month is the most horrible idea to me in the world.
So, taking what I just said about myself, do you see why I FIGHT tooth and nail the concept of being alone and being happy?
Let's also say this...You all keep saying I need to be alone. FIND myself. I tell you this - what the Heck am I doing if I am not alone right now! I have been alone for 8 months! I get up in the morning - alone. I go to work, I come home, take my kids to swim team, pick them up, cook dinner, watch tv, clean up - AND ALL OF THIS I DO ALONE EVERY SINGLE DAY.
Am I miserable? NO! Do I go through my day with a smile on my face, joke around with all of my friends, laugh and smile with my beautiful funny girls, exercise everyday, DVR my favorite shows so I can relax and laugh out loud? YES to all of the above. and I do all of this totally and completely alone. ALONE.
So now I say, I AM alone, and I am not miserable and I enjoy my life - and yet I still don't WANT TO BE ALONE.
I just wish someone understood.
TAMF m:41 xh:41 T: 20 M: 15 D: 16 D: 14 Bomb dropped: 7/3/10 separated: 7/15/10 H moved in to new apt. with OW: 7/1/11 divorced: 8/26/12
I know the difference between introverts and extroverts ... and the actual definitions ...
Originally Posted By: TAMF
I just wish someone understood.
See, that's what I thought too ...
... and then I figured out that they did ... more than I did actually ...
I actually came out and said, many times, that I wished I could articulate it so that they could understand ... that I must not be doing a good job of explaining myself ...
Holding onto anger to punish someone else, is like lighting yourself on fire to get smoke in their eyes ~ 25yearsmlc
If you only knew how many times I said to E ... "I just feel so misunderstood" ...
I see so much of me in you. The quick responses, the defensiveness, the need/desire to explain ...
If you only knew just how well I do understand.
I know girlfriend, I really do. I love ya and I appreciate the heartfelt advice. One day I hope to find less confusion, and more understanding of myself. It will come (maybe only because I get pushed and slapped around by you! he-he!!)
TAMF m:41 xh:41 T: 20 M: 15 D: 16 D: 14 Bomb dropped: 7/3/10 separated: 7/15/10 H moved in to new apt. with OW: 7/1/11 divorced: 8/26/12
Here I am all fired up and my H just text me - not good. I just lit into his As*. whoops.
H worked back "home" in Illinois where all of our family and oldest and dearest friends live. Every single fing time he works home and spends time with all of the people who love "us" and don't want us to get a divorce, he gets "inspired" to be with me. ARGGGGGG!!!! Not a good day to get "inspired" with me. this was the text conversation:
H: (name of his good buddy)is trying so hard to keep us together.He really wants us to move back. It is really inspiring.
Me: so u r inspired to be with me because ur friend wants us to be together, but when I ask that we stay together u just can't right now....but please wait 4 me....be my back up plan in case it doesn't work out wtih my girlfriend who i love sooooo much? whatever. Fing bullsheot.
H: Didn't mean for it to come out that way TAMF.
Me: i know H - u never mean to hurt me, yet u do. continuously.i have to tell u it is getting pretty fing old. everytime you go home u r "inspired" to stay with me. you call me more,text me more, want to have sex with me, make plans for the future, YET nothing ever fing happens. i am sick to death of it. I am NOT A FING PLAN B.
H: ok
Should have ignored him, ignored his text, but GD I am pissed. Today was not the day to get "inspired"!!!!!!!! I am inspired to run my foot up his nether region.
(String of really horrible bad words inserted here)
Breathe in breathe out...yikes this is not me. I don't like this person I am today. So you know what? I am going to log off and go put my phone back on vibrate.
TAMF m:41 xh:41 T: 20 M: 15 D: 16 D: 14 Bomb dropped: 7/3/10 separated: 7/15/10 H moved in to new apt. with OW: 7/1/11 divorced: 8/26/12
I had to respond to this one cause I feel the same way! Are we wrong to feel this way I don't know but what I do know is that I do want some time alone to get myself together and really absorb it all in. For me it's been a little less than 8 months and at first I was scared, scared to be alone, depended on my husband to make me happy, and still I haven't entirely let go of that concept and that is why I need the time to myself. My husband was my "first" and I miss "it" too really do.
Do I go out and flirt, yes! Does it mean anything to me other than innocent fun, no! Would I take anyone home with me, no!
I think it's safe if I say ppl need to be loved, ppl need intimacy, and well we are going through some tough chet so we get what we can to get us through this time of need.
My friend made a comment the other day which stuck in my head she said, "once a good girls gone bad, she's gone forever"! I think she was trying to tease me but I felt like my husbands MLC or whatever it is has changed me.
Ok, I'm all over the place when all I wanted to say is, I FEEL YOU!!!!
Me:32 H:32 M:9 T:15 D:4 S:2 OW/PA: JANUARY 10 ILYBINILWY AUGUST 10 Goes and Comes July/September Moves out September Sep. since Sept.
"whoops" is an accident. Your response to him was no accident.
Originally Posted By: TAMF
Should have ignored him, ignored his text, but GD I am pissed.
OH ... so you were PISSED. So it's ok then. NOT. TAMF, I know you know this, but I'm gonna say it anyway. You are the only one responsible for your reactions and responses. DB is not for the feint of heart, it's a way of life ... of communication ... a state of emotional wholeness.
Your H can't push buttons you don't have.
Get rid of the buttons.
Holding onto anger to punish someone else, is like lighting yourself on fire to get smoke in their eyes ~ 25yearsmlc
Here is the thing...I agree that you do not NEED to show EVERYONE that you have to be alone. I think the alone time that everyone may be referencing is not a physical aloneness (sp??) but rather a period of introspection that can (in most cases) only occur when you are not preoccupied with someone else, wanting someone else, thinking about someone else or being with someone else.
Having said this, I do believe that one can do this introspection and still have healthy relationship with friends and even friends of the opposite sex. The difference is having a friendship with the opposite sex that one wishes would turn into something else.
At the end of the day TAMF, you must decide what is best for YOU. You know yourself better than anyone else – the hard part of “knowing yourself” is being honest with yourself.
FTR, think about this “I wish everyone understood” statement for a second and ask yourself this…..
How many times did I say I was done and everyone said I was not?
How many times did people on these boards say don’t touch the stove cause you’ll get burned and you did it anyway?
How many times did people say to you…you’re not as detached as you may think and you thought…yes I am, only to realize that you are not?
How many times have you responded on this thread with a “I know ya’ll are right”?
So believe me, many understand.
We all care about each other and that is the greatest thing about these boards – we challenge, we push, we do not give each space for excuses. Why? Cause at the end of the day, we all want to ensure that each of us is as healthy as we can be.
God Bless, Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
