I agree, the longer we wait before checking in, the better things will be down the road as we continue to improve and grow each day.
In addition, I think that I am finally starting to detach. Each day I am less and less concerned about what she is up to with respect to the OM, what she is thinking and what she is doing. I am finally beginning to accept that she is already gone.
Whether she comes back or not is up to her to decide. Me forcing the issue on making her decide between the OM or me is not going to help my situation. I don't want to be in the position where I have to listen to her defend him. She did this after I confronted her about the EA, and I questioned his character re being involved with a married women. Its bad enough knowing your wife has feelings for another man, hearing your wife defend his character is even more difficult to stomach.
I am committed to staying for the benefit of my kids. Knowing that this is my decision, it has become easier to deal with the pain. I feel that I am absorbing all of this pain so that my kids do not have to. It gives me a sense of purpose and focus that takes the issue away from my previous fixation on my wife and what she is doing/thinking. I am actually starting to function as a human being again and do not think about my wife 24/7.
It took a long time and was a painful journey to get to this place, but regardless of the outcome I think it is worth it. 20 years from now, if I am still around, I don't want to look back and see that I did not give everything I had to try and save our marriage.
