ok ok ok - you are all right. of course! Seriously - you are all correct...let me pause right now while I put my phone on vibrate...

You all keep posting to me that I need to be comfortable being ALONE. BE happy ALONE. This might be very difficult for me, and this is why I think that is...

This is important for all of you to realize about me - I am a screaming extrovert. SCREAMING. anyone who knows the difference between extroverts and introverts, it is all about how they are energized. period. It isn't that extroverts talk alot - outgoing - loud and introverts are non-talkers, shy and quiet. BUll SHEOT. Introverts can be the biggest talkers in the world.

It is about how you are energized. People energize extroverts, they NEED to be around people to recharge their internal battery. People EXHAUST introverts, they need to be alone after they have been with people to reenergize their internal battery.

For example: The idea of being on a desert island for a month without any type of communication with the outside world - would you say this sounds incredible - SIGN ME UP? or would you be like me and immediately want to vomit? I would probably kill myself or go crazy. The idea of being without people for a month is the most horrible idea to me in the world.

So, taking what I just said about myself, do you see why I FIGHT tooth and nail the concept of being alone and being happy?

Let's also say this...You all keep saying I need to be alone. FIND myself. I tell you this - what the Heck am I doing if I am not alone right now! I have been alone for 8 months! I get up in the morning - alone. I go to work, I come home, take my kids to swim team, pick them up, cook dinner, watch tv, clean up - AND ALL OF THIS I DO ALONE EVERY SINGLE DAY.

Am I miserable? NO! Do I go through my day with a smile on my face, joke around with all of my friends, laugh and smile with my beautiful funny girls, exercise everyday, DVR my favorite shows so I can relax and laugh out loud? YES to all of the above. and I do all of this totally and completely alone. ALONE.

So now I say, I AM alone, and I am not miserable and I enjoy my life - and yet I still don't WANT TO BE ALONE.

I just wish someone understood.

TAMF
m:41
xh:41
T: 20
M: 15
D: 16
D: 14
Bomb dropped: 7/3/10
separated: 7/15/10
H moved in to new apt. with OW: 7/1/11
divorced: 8/26/12