TAMF's Christmas Miracle?

[ericmsant2]

First off, E....pansy

Since someone...called me out of my hiatus I decided to respond.

TAMF,

Here goes...

The attention that you seek from a male is IMO, for one reason...to avoid you from looking at WHY YOU NEED (I know you said WANT) a man in YOUR life. I know, I've done it.

The male companionship that you seek, is so that you get the external validation, which FTR, is really normal. However, it is how you look for this validation and WHAT you are willing to do to get the validation that you must look at.

For example, if you are really going out to flirt with the sole purpose of having some dude make YOU feel good, well that IMO is probably not the best approach. IF you go out and for some reaons someone starts to flirt with YOU, well then that is a different story. Can you see the difference?

In one case you are LOOKING FOR IT, in the other is just happens.

My "non professional advice"....pick up a few packs of batteries

Seriously, take a step back and think about this. It is hard, trust me I know. WHY do you NEED/WANT the male response. On one hand you say you love your H, on the other you want so attention...probably becuase you are not getting it from your H. So let's play this out....

You go out and start flirting with a guy, he gives you his number. You go back home, and sit on it for a while. Then in a few days when the need for male attention has not been met, you call him. I am not going to suggest that anything would happen..but if it were me, I would probably say it is a safe bet that something WOULD happen. Okay, so you feel better for a day, maybe two days...guess what? What happens if this guy loses interest? What happens if you lose interest in him? What if this guy were your H? Once the interest is lost, do you go out looking again, and again...and again...?

Stop looking for it TAMF, let it just come to YOU. Easier said then done. Trust me I know.

In case your wondering, in my recent sitch...i did not go looking, she found me. Was the right time? Who the hell knows.

Please TAMF, stop looking and let it come to you, what may come to you may really surprise you.

You actually may find the TAMF that you are looking for - I think you will.

Take that step....

Eric

[ericmsant2]

TAMF,

The reality is that if I get a D, I will probably find someone else very quickly and I won't have the chance to get over my fear. Sad but true. I know I have total control over this, but I will probably cave to the light at the end of the tunnel that for me is love. If I can see that light I will run. I know it.

1) Define LOVE
2) WOW....did you just say I know I am going to make a mistake but I'm gonna make it any way...just so that I can have an orgaism?

Think about what you just said TAMF.

Sex is sex...

Love is love...

You wanna go out and have some dirty hot sex...low it be to me to try to talk you out of it.

One question...how does this align with who you want to be?

The answer is for you.

Eric

[AntoniaB]

You know what, someone is gonna jump on me for saying that you might flirt to "fill a void."

I guess the way I think of it is that there are a LOT of voids that have to be filled when you are suddenly alone.

I have countless hours after work now when there is no one here to talk to. So I fill the void by coming on this board, or chatting on fb with people I'd normally not be in such close contact with. I go out with friends more than I used to. I do that to avoid the absurd number of hours that I would otherwise be alone.

Now does that mean I'm deriving my happiness from those other people and not myself, because I feel very pulled to that social interaction? I doubt anyone would say that. So why would talking to someone of the opposite sex be any different?

[AntoniaB]

LOL Eric. Batteries. Priceless.

Personally, I need to just buy a darn battery charger already.

[PEI]

OMG ... it's like watching yourself drive a train towards a brick wall ...

... I'm comin' ... just need to center myself first ...

[AntoniaB]

"The reality is that if I get a D, I will probably find someone else very quickly and I won't have the chance to get over my fear. Sad but true. I know I have total control over this, but I will probably cave to the light at the end of the tunnel that for me is love. If I can see that light I will run. I know it."

Ok here is where you and I do differ, TAMF. I have a gut feeling it's gonna be 4-5 years till I'm in another relationship. Just my intuition. I feel very gunshy about getting involved with anyone post-divorce.

[TAMF]

Antonia - girlfriend thanks for sticking up for me!

[ericmsant2]

Ladies,

The best advice that I can give you is the same advice that was given to me.

You are never more vulnerable then when you are a LBS. Never.

You've been chit on
You've been told that you were the devil reincarnated
You've been dumped
You've lost intamacy
You've lost your self confidence
You've lost your partner
You've been betrayed

So the big question we all should ask ourselves is....

Who or what fixes all of the issues and problems that we are now faced with?

IMO, it is up to US to address these problems. Easy? No f*cking way. So we really do have two options....

Work on ourselves and really address some of our own fears and insecurities OR

Run from them.

Running can be performed in many ways.

We could lie to ourselves
We could run into the arms of another
We could latch on to our next codependant relationship

OR

We could do what is probably the hardest thing to do, which is fix ourselves by ourselves.

Good luck TAMF - do what YOU think YOU need to do. Just realize that with every action is a reaction. With every cause is an effect. So make sure the actions and causes end with the reaction and effect that you really want.

Back to my hole I go.

Eric

[PEI]

Feisty???

Bring it ... I’ve been around this block a couple of times ... and up until pretty recently I was the YOU in the equation, so remember your audience ... I’m not letting you off the hook that easily. Why not? You might ask ... because you are capable of more. So rationalize and justify till your little hearts content ... and when you’re ready to dig ... I’ll hold your handbag while you shovel ...

what can I say...I am eternally driven to men? who the F knows?!

Well, for starters, YOU would if you would slow the F down and take the time you need to dig this out.

Maybe it is the fact that I am craving sex? Never in my life have I been without, and to be honest it occupies a lot of my brain right now. I think about sex all of the time.

Human nature. We want what we can’t have. Recognize it for what it is. For what it’s worth, I’d never gone without either ... doesn’t mean I can’t or won’t.

TMI???

Pfffftttt. Have you read my thread???

At least I am honest. I want sex!!!! I feel like I am dying without it.

Gimme a break. Dying? Really? Perspective TAMF, perspective.

But I have never been a promiscuous woman. Ever. So I don't want to become one, and I won't.

Well I have and I’m glad to see you’re not INTENDING to go down that path. It wouldn’t serve you.

Can you girls just allow me this?? I am so deprived.

NO. Franky, you sound like a whiny child. <<<TAMF stomping feet>>>
What would you say to your daughter who came to you and said:

MOOOOMMMMMYY!!!! I want candy for supper! I don’t care that it’s not what’s best for me ... I haven’t had candy in 3 days and I sooooo want candy!!!! CANDY! CANDY! CANDY! Candy tastes so good ... it makes me happy ... it makes me feel good ... I WANT CANDY!!! And I know I don’t NEED candy ... I CAN eat vegetables and healthy food ... I don’t NEED candy ... I just WANT candy, I’m just CHOOSING candy!

You say that my happiness is wrapped up in the idea of a man. I say that I am completely capable of living alone with my girls, working my as* off everyday, contributing to my community in ways that others have never even thought of, paying my bills, cleaning my house, being a wonderful loving friend. I can do all of this, because I am doing this. And if I have to do this alone for the rest of my life?...

... There is NOTHING wrong with the fact that I LOVE being in a relationship. LOVE IT. It brings me happiness plain and simple.

You guys can bash me as much as you want, but I can be alone - I JUST DON'T WANT TO!

I’m calling bullchit on this one.What Alb said. In spades. (Oh, and for the record ... no one is "bashing" you ... )

And ya know why I think so ... cause I said it too. Not that long ago. And I’m standing here telling you I was full of chit. Yup. And I didn’t know it ... because I wasn’t alone. I posted my story, you’re all aware of it by now ... but I will tell you this ... some of this stuff you HAVE to process while you are alone. You can’t dig out why you are afraid to be alone ... if you aren’t. Period.

I want a loving relationship.

Who doesn’t??? But I don’t see WANT ^^^ up there ... I see NEED. And I’m not the only one .....

Like I said, I can do all of this SHEOT alone forever and still have fun in life...but if I want to be HAPPY, I will want to share my life with someone I love.

That made me sad.

Listen TAMF, girlfriend I know where you are. I know how you feel and I know how riled up you probably are right now. "You know what you want, you know you don’t need it and you know you will choose to not be alone." I know it ALL TOO WELL. Ask Cat, and Mach, and Grit, and everyone else who challenged me and helped me push through ...

I also see strength. You are posting here knowing you will be challenged. That takes strength. And courage. The kind of strength and courage you will need to truly dig in and find that woman we all know is still beneath the surface ...

Peace
PEI

[PEI]

So why would talking to someone of the opposite sex be any different?

Do you flirt with women?