Is the tide turning???????

[MHL]

GAG,

I just love these debrief's.....come into work, dispense with the morning's tasks and get my coffee and settle in for an update. This is great stuff!!!

so XH DID remember that I had suggested that we go to this new restaurant afterward.

Then

XH said "We play almost every week now. Are you saying you'd like to play on a weekly basis?" I said "Sure". XH said "We can play every Wednesday then"

and Then

Then XH said I'll have to show you my iPad next time...........then I realized that XH had brought his iPad into the restaurant and it was sitting on the table the entire time.........so another example of XH hearing what I said, not acknowledging it, but acting on it..

and then

XH reached out to hug me

These are all very good signs that he is "thinking" about you when he is away from you. He is also thinking about you in his future plans, you are part of his life now.

He even has made it public in that his partner knows you guys doing this together!!!!

This is all very good.

Wondering if that same M.O. will work with flirting as Missher has suggested.

ahhhhhh.......yeah!!!!

Ideas for next time....sit next to him while he shows you his ipad and do alot of unecessary touching.

When he hugs you again.....tell him that "that feels nice, I like it when you hug me"

I think you really need to be forward with him at this point, he is showing interest, make sure to match his interest level.

Doesnt he remember that he admitted at one point that he hadn't told me he was so unhappy he was thinking about leaving?...........and doesn't he remember that he wouldn't go to M counseling with me?????????? As we were locking eyes, I almost thought that for a nanosecond XH might have heard what he said but I'm not sure.

This is the only area that I will offer some advice or criticism. There is a lot of "expectations" up there in those statements.....yes they are evidence of his MLC for sure.....

However....

He may never realize what he is saying and how it correlates with what he did or is doing. Any "expectation" that you may have that this will happen one day will only disappoint you.

This is where your "work" lies GAG......letting go of those expectations.....they will ultimately thwart your efforts.

You have to ask yourself......can you live with Mr. GAG in a reconciled R or M if he never fully acknowledges how insane he was acting or how much pain he caused???

Some MLCer's don't remember....literally. I can remember my STBXW telling me jokes about Tiger Woods' affairs last year and laughing about it........I had to bite my tongue too......I wanted to say.... "REALLY, did you just say that to me?????"

There will be a time and place for these discussions but right now you are just establishing trust and a "safe" place for him to share his feelings with you.

In short.....you are starting to establish intimacy with him.

The next step of intimacy for a man is physical.....He may not be able to open up anymore until there is a physical connection with you again.....

Once that happens the flood gates may open........that will be the real test for you......meaning there will be a lot more "TONGUE BITING" on your part.

Thanks for the update......

Things are going well.....

Cheers