Lighthouse lit till WAW comes out of fog.

[ScaredinCanada]

I know trying to give WAW marriage fixing info is not recommended, I think I learned this on day one, but I just don't see anything happening.

I have become really patient, and have accepted that nothing is changing. Same day over and over, but it seems like things are slipping to the negative.

Tonight was the biggest change I have noticed in her, she was the coldest she has been since bomb day. I don't really have any specifics, I can just tell.

The everyday conversation at the dinner table is pretty much all we have each day, it was almost silent, only talked if she had to. This I noticed because usually, this is the time each day that is, almost, pre-bomb normal. Far from it tonight.

Also, she almost always at least says goodnight to me, even if it is fake. Not tonight.

I know there isn't anything big here that would show anyone what I am seeing, you have to be here, something is changing, and it doesn't seem good.

Maybe someone can tell me if this is what has affected her.

Last night I came home from work, got cleaned up, and went out. I told her a week ago that I had something I would be going to on this day. She asked what it was, and I remember I just chuckled a little and said, it's nothing. I guess I was trying to make it sound like I was embarrased of what I was doing as an excuse not to actually say what I was doing, I wanted her to be curious. I really just went to a gym.

Well, I went out, tried to make her curious, and gave her space all in the same night. Why do I feel I backslid somehow? Is this going out last night have anything to do with her pulling farther away tonight? I thought it was supposed to have the opposite effect?

I am just struggling because of absolutely no change. I have never backslid that I know of. We have not had one word about R or M. As for my anger issue, it hasn't been a issue. I have been a great father, I play with the kids everynight from dinner until bedtime while she is wherever she is at, as long as it isn't the same room as me. Now, I try and go out, and it seems to make things worse.

I have made the changes, I do not pursue, I leave her alone, and have been amazingly patient.

I have not uttered one word about R or M for about 3 months, and either has she. How many LBH can say that? Isn't this what I am supposed to be doing?

It is frustrating to see everyone on here talk,talk,talk, to their WAW's about their R. I thought we were supposed to shut up and leave them alone. Am I the only one doing it right? or am I the only one doing it wrong?

Sorry,I am just frustrated, I really wish I could put all my faith in god, because I know he is the only one that is going to be able to bring my wife back.

Trying to put all my faith in God also gets me frustrated, because I get mad at myself because I can't find a way to have complete faith in him.

God, please shine your light to bring everyone's WAS's out of the fog.

Habit,

My W doesn't even say good night to me, hasn't in a long time. I think some of those things (if they do them or don't do them) maybe more of a routine thing and aren't necessarily an emotional predictor.

I worry as well about detaching and not bringing up the R on occasion because I start to get the feeling that she believes were finally getting on the same page - that seperation or divorce is the answer. She wants us to live civil, and act like business partners until summer comes and we can sell the house.

Regardless I just need to realize that gives me 3 or 4 months to continue to work on me because I know nothing in situation is going to get any worse until at least then. I think at times this gives me the confidence to "temperature check" the sitch from time to time.

It's funny, she's always wanted to buy a hobby farm. We've tried on a number of occasions but we just couldn't afford it. I just mentioned to her that once we got the kids to bed we could go on MLS and have a look at farms (thinking it might a positive suggestion), but of course she just rolled her eyes at me.

She then says, "You keep changing, 1 day I feel like you hate, and the next day you want to be with me more than ever". I told her my position has never changed, yes I've had some tough moments were my emotions have gotten the best of me but in the end I just want to know that I did everything I could to be the best person, father and husband that I can be.

I guess I just need to be more consistant.

Habit, so she does talk to me at times - even about the R, but it's almost never good because EVERY memory she has of "US" is a bad memory. Go figure.

Keep going, we can do this - I've got your back!

BITS
SIC