I am messing this up big time. It seem like part of me is bent on getting divorce so I push and push my wife.
I know it's not what I want, but I just feel out of control sometimes. I know that I am the only one who can make the changes I need to and the only one who can take the advice.
The vets here are great and have given me solid advice, but why can't I follow through. I'm scared...of myself.
Our MC session was canceled this morning because my wife assumed out daycare was closed due to weather. Turns out it wasn't closed and we might have been able to go our session. It's been about 5 weeks since our last session
What do I do? I start to get pissed at my wife because she didn't call the day care to check. Total B.S. on my part.
I then do the worst thing I can for someone who is supposedly piecing. I say to her "You don't really want to try to work things out, do you?"
She then says, "Maybe we should just end it, because if you feel that way this is a shame (meaning MC)."
We continue to fight and I try to back peddle to no avail. So I accused her of not trying and I started a fight in the morning before work which she asked me not to do.
Am I screwed here? Why do I keep doing the same stupid crap and pushing here toward divorce when she is willing to work on the M? Why do I potentially keep pushing her towards the OM, by not giving her a stable, loving guy at home?
Right now I hate myself and hate that do that. But I can't seem to get my S together to not do it.
Any advice for me?
Patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet. --Jean Jacques Rousseau.
