Someone suggest H is having a MLC....I don't know?

[Mach1]

At this moment, my instincts tell me to cut my losses and forget him and the 26 years we spent together. Burn it all, start fresh and completely remove myself from his access. New location, new home, change my number, change my name and go underground. That's what my instincts tell me. Reality is a different animal.

No one here could fault you for feeling that way , because we have all felt that way at one time or another. Then we realize that, no matter what, life goes on every day. Whether we are happy, or sad, hurting, or happy. That is the reality of what we are facing. Slowly, the pieces to this start making sense , and we start to realize that we have choices in our lives too. We can choose to be happy, or we can choose to hurt.

We decide that our MLCer's reality is not what reality is. What they have done is, more to the fact of what you describe above. They have run, they have gone underground. Essentially...they have burned it all.

The more you learn about MLC, the more you will see that it was not so much of a choice for them as something inside them has snapped, and they simply cannot face real , everyday, reality.

I have worth and value and if he can't see it, then perhaps someone else would be thrilled to be around me, have me as a partner, and actually like me just as I am for who I am NOW.

Which one of you....

You ?

Scyalla?

Charibdis ?


How can one know what truly makes them happy, if they don't know who they are ?

I will let the girls address the rest of this.....

I won't have to be the one that has to continually change to keep a relationship functioning, turning myself inside out every time he decides that the relationship, or I'm not good enough for him.

I don't agree with this...

As people, we continue to grow and change almost daily. Without it, we would all have no relationship problems whatsoever. We would essentially be the same person that did not go through the life trials we all have faced over the years.

It is the acceptance , and love of your partner, that allows that change, and welcomes it. As Grit stated.....your vows.

What you describe is that you sold yourself within the relationship. What I also see is that there were expectations of what a "normal" relationship should look like. That there were expectations of very defined roles within that. Very little room for movement within those parameters. That is the suppression of what you stated above...that room for growth and change.

Many of my friends and family feel I have done all I can and there is no more left to do. Some have flat out told me in their opinion he stabbed me in the back and twisted the knife too.

Your friends and family don't live your life, or see the demons in your closet....

That is why it is best to not involve them with the details of things. People who are truly genuine in your life,will ask what you need, not tell you what you should do...

In my view, he certainly doesn't value our relationship,and is quite willing to let our children suffer ( they are 9&13). "They'll adapt.", he and his counselor say. "Kids are resiliant."

Yea.....I'm fighting the urge to stick a boot up his counselors a$$ right now.

Actually, that answer is pretty "script" for most MLCers. IT is their delusion that their children will be "just fine" with their decision. It is their justification that what they are doing will not cause any emotional trauma to their children.

It is also......bogus.

I think you know this, so I will save my "soapbox" minutes...sometimes they rollover for the next month : )

As for me; my perception is that for him, I'm just the mother of his kids, nothing more.

No offense....

But I don't see you viewing things much differently right now..




Scylla....

What do you want ?


How can we help you get there ?


How far are you willing to go , to find yourself ?

And to find that happiness that Cat and PEI describe ?