Lost, Take a deep breath. If it makes you feel any better, we are all in this crappy boat with you. I find it humorous that I am telling you this considering my own behavior, but stop trying to figure him out. My W has become an enigma wrapped in a riddle that is so tight I have no idea which end is up. Trying to figure them out will drive you nuts. I know. I have spent three months driving myself nuts!
Let me give you some free advice from my MC. I posed this same thing to him and here is what he said: "You need to do two things. First, take stock and a bit of happiness in their confusion. If they didn't care and were completely through with you, there would be no confusion on their part. As much as you think you are wrestling this thing alone, you are not. Remember, there were two people at the altar in that church the day you got married. Whether you realize it or not, your W is scared, confused, and adrift at sea right now. She is having to convince herself to leave the man she has loved for 15 years. I know that to you, because she is being cruel, renting apartments, talking to another man and putting on a good show, you think she is fine with this thing and all is well in her world. Well, it is not all well. She too is scared as hell that her M is about to be finished. So, at times, she will act strangely and do things that will confuse the hell out of you. Don't get worked up about it. If you think you are confused, you should look inside her head??? I have counseled WAS's before, they are truly a train wreck."
"Second, stop trying to figure her out. You will make yourself miserable and crazy. Just let her be. If you love her, accept the fact that she is not herself right now and stop looking for clues that aren't there. If she is nice, be nice to her. If she acts like a jack*ss, be nice to her. You need to be the one constant in this thing. Why? Because you will begin to look like the stable one and this could eventually cause her to gravitate back to you. Stability equals tranquility and happiness. Be the rock and she just might sail her ship toward you as she tries to navigate this stormy emotional sea she is lost in."
Whew, that was long. But, I hope you get the point. The guy is a pretty good MC and I really like him.
Never stop DBing. I have been in the dumps lately, but even when I am at my lowest, I continue to DB because it is the only thing right now that seems to be working.
Hang in there, girl. You are with friends now!
B.I.T.S.
FOBD
Me: 39 W: 36 T: 15 yrs M: 9 yrs S: 09/10
So you can get on with your search, baby And I can get on with mine And maybe someday we will find, That it wasn't really wasted time...
