I hope you are still reading and I hope you will continue posting.
Not so that people will pick on you (although it does feel like that sometimes) and not so that you will lose hope for your M.
Hope exists as long as you want it to exist.
Over here, we recognize that this is a very long road, this monster we call MLC.
Most of us read MLC for Dummies and said the same thing you did. Crap.
It isn't impossible, there are success stories of restored marriages.
There are also success stories of restored people. Regardless of the outcome of the marriage.
We have made all of the mistakes and then some. We all looked for that "Magic Pill" that was going to make things different.
It sounds to me that in many ways, you aren't totally looking for the magic pill to fix yourself, because you are doing hard work. However, here, we will always ask you to dig deeper. Just like we ask ourselves to dig deeper. Although maybe you are looking for one for your M.
No one can tell you what the outcome of your M will be. That just isn't possible.
It depends on you, on him. On what time the sunsets in the east. And it depends on none of those things. MLC is not logical. Dealing with a MLCer is not logical.
We focus on the only thing that we can focus on here. And that is us, the LBS.
You don't remember carefree and happy...
Maybe we should begin to try to figure out what that looks like...
I remember the days when I said that. My God, I was so serious about everything and it had been so long...
Now, it surrounds me every day...a perfect example was tonight and a conversation I had with goofy BF.
BF: what did you make for dinner?
Me: Take and bake pizza.
BF: what is shake and bake pizza?
Me: not shake and bake, TAKE and bake. You need a hearing aid. (laughing by this point)
BF: What? (pretending he didn't hear me)
This went on for a while, back and forth, take and bake, no shake and bake, no take and bake, and we hung up the phone as I was rolling on the floor with laughter.
About three hours later...
BF: How was the pizza?
Me: The Walmart pizza was good. They are always good.
BF: OH! It is "take and bake" pizza, not "shake and bake" you twit! (laughing and totally kidding of course, he knew all along.)
Me: (banging head against the wall and laughing my guts out)Why me? (more to the air than to anyone else)
BF: You're blond...(sigh)
It was a stupid conversation, one that I would have totally taken the wrong way years ago. Now one that made me almost pee my pants because I was laughing so hard.
It was also a conversation that had no merit, other than fun. That is typical of my relationships with people now. Not that they can't get serious, they can and do, but I don't take myself so seriously anymore (some people here won't believe that but they didn't know me before).
So, SC, what brings you even a little bit of joy?
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
