Grit - do you mind if I ask you what this means in terms of your M? Does this mean that you are filing for D? That you are looking for new love?
I've read all of your thread and this seems like a cliffhanger to me!
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
This has been a long process to come to this. For me to live and learn the man I want to be.
It is a process, and it does take TIME.
There are many things going on inside of us during that TIME.
Learning to live the life that WE want and not what we think that someone else wants.
When we reach the point that we know the life we want to lead for ourselves independent of what anyone else may want the feeling of "wanting" to get started with that life starts pulling you along.
It is that desire that propels you to move forward with or without your spouse.
Grit, You have handled all this with nobility and wisdom. I am sad for any M that has to come to an end but happy that you have discovered the Life that you want to lead and that you have chosen to start living it.
Happy Little Friday my friend.
Cheers
~C
Formerly "missherlove"
Me49 XW49 M17 T19 S16 D20
Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free.
Oh wow, your explanation to your W is so similar to mine to my H. The only difference is that since my H has been so adamant that he chose "correctly" for him the OW and plans this life with her, I didn't even say anything last week like "if you aren't with her we'll talk." I said that plenty of times in the past; he just fights me on it saying she is there to stay, so I have dropped even saying that. Instead, I've said that I love you more than I ever thought I could and it's because of that feeling that I can't destroy that emotionally, it is not good at all for me to be in contact with him--just like what you said to your W. I said I'm no longer going to be in contact and I'm fully letting you go.
Interesting to me that your W comes back with an almost "really?" "like do you mean it for real" "can't we talk" sort of response. I'm getting the same from H in a way. I think my H just doesn't want to accept that he can't have us both. I wonder if your wife feels the same.
For a long time we allow them to keep that connection alive because some contact to us is better than none--I read about this in a book on attachment and loss and saw that it's like we are addicted to them. But when we get enough strength to really walk away, I mean REALLY walk away, I think they aren't ready for it. I think they now feel rejected, and they never thought they would feel that way. But this isn't about them; it's about us and our ability to survive.
So I think you and I may really be at the same place now. I don't know where you are in terms of divorce--my divorce is final any day now. And at this point, honestly, I'm ok with it. If I'm ever going to have a life with my stbxh, it's going to be a whole different relationship from the ground up. Or not. Maybe it'll be with someone else...
I'll be following your sitch. Stay strong!
M45 Bomb 6/09; EA 6/10; Divorced 1/11 Proud single mom of 7 little feline girls and one little feline boy "Fall down 53 times. Get up 54." -- Zen saying
I thought that a phone call or a text every week or so did not cost me anything...
But I learned it does.
I struggle with this every day. Her version of our history is still so far from my own. Her connection to OM has blinded her to what is true. I hang up in pain every time.
I wish I could just avoid her for a day. But I can't go without speaking to my kids at bedtime.
I'm envious you've found that 'place'. I fear I will only find it through resignation and exhaustion.
