I failled horribly...

[FellOnBlackDays]

Denver, Bond, 2step, Scared and Lost,
As always, you guys and gals never fail to amaze me. All good points that I didn't consider. So, here is my follow up:

1) Unfortunately, I cannot delay this. She has to be out of her existing place and into her new place this weekend. She is sharing the expense of a moving van with the other tenant to get the move completed. I am OK with this. Really. Week after week, as the B/S drags on, it is getting harder to deal with. I want this over this weekend so I can really start to heal.

2) As for dividing up the stuff, I have already consulted a L and I am ready. In my state, any document signed by both parties and witnessed is a legally binding document as long as you can produce the witness. So, what she doesn't know is that when she arrives on Sunday to pick up what she wants, I am going to present her with an itemized list/agreement that she is going to have to sign. This puts the value of what she takes on her should the D go through. I will be polite and nice when I do it. But that stuff is not leaving the property without her signature on that paper. Hey, sweetie, how do you like me now???

3) None the less, I do want to work with her. I really seem to notice that the more I DB with her, the better our interactions go. After our last two meetings, I am really starting to believe that she is not taking this bright idea of her's to leave me as well I have been. So, I am cool with what is going to do down on Saturday. It will be just the two of us, so I will have an even playing field. Not to mention, I am going to do my prep work like last time. Before she gets here, I am going to hit the gym for 2 hours, burn up that aggression, have a nice breakfast and take a shot of an adult beverage. This worked last time. I was as cool as a cucumber when she arrived. Yes, it will be painful for us to go over the kitchen and divide it up, but I want her to feel that pain. I don't think she is ready for it. I will spend all Saturday morning getting ready, I know she will not.

You see, she is still kidding herself. I asked her if she has read any books about relationships since she left. Answer, no. I asked if she has read any self-help books since she left. Answer, no. I asked if she was still seeing her C as our MC had begged her to do. Answer, no. She really thinks that she has this thing all under control. My MC believes that in the near future, she is going to be in for a rude awakening and a crash. While I toil away with books, homework, this forum and my MC, she is doing nothing. "Just doing what I believe is best for me" she keeps saying. That is an idiotic strategy and it will come to bite her in the A very soon. It is sad and I will feel sad for her when it happens. As I have stated here a thousand times, I do still love her and want her back. But if she has to hit the pavement, face-first, at 100 mph to come back to reality, I am going to stand there while she does it. Then, I will lovingly pick her up...

4) As for having some one here on my side, that is a GREAT idea that I didn't consider. I was going to try to be a "man" about it, but I will be outnumbered by a count of 4-1. She did inform me last night that my FIL will be assisting with the move. My cowardly MIL apparently doesn't have the stomach to come over and see what she helped to create. I can't believe the man that has been my "father stand in" for the past 10 years since my own father died is going to carry stuff out. I still love the man like a father, so I have decided that I will forgive him in my heart. It is his daughter, after all.

I think I might call a friend or possibly my brother to come over and be here with me. That way I will have at least one person to turn to when the truck drives away. I swear, if I get through this alive, I am going to send each of you a new car! Well, a Matchbox car might be all I can afford. But, I will let each of you pick out the style and color. Deal?

Sorry, had to stop tying for a second. She called. Once again, sweet as pie. We laughed and made plans for the weekend. I am soooo damned scared. This thing is starting to stink like a set up. Why? Why am I so untrustworthy of a woman that I would have protected with my life for 15 years??

Team, hang in there with me. You guys and my family are just about all I have right now. I am not being melodramatic, I mean it. I can't talk to my friends anymore. Most of them are still married to their first spouses and have recently had children. When I try to talk with them, they seem uncomfortable and I stop. Here, I can cry, vent, think aloud and no one will judge.

I will check in again tomorrow night.

"The only easy day here is yesterday!"

B.I.T.S.

FOBD