Originally Posted By: Mach1
AND I have read one of PEI's threads without coffee....

Oh puh-leeeze ... you read ONE without coffee, buddy I wrote them all ... all 5 of them ... without any! wink

SC,

Welcome to the best worst-place-to-be. As I read through your posts I started to formulate my response and then got to Cat's and realized she said almost everything I intended to.

My H had a list too, and it was very, very similar to the one your H spewed. When you talk about it though I see some rationalizations ... and I recognize it because I did it too. Now, if you feel like reading (and no it's not light reading, I DID earn my long winded reputation!) I will attach my current thread which contains links on the first page back through all of what I've written since I got here. You shouldn't have any trouble ... Mach just hates it when I use big words ... like rationalizations and validation smile

The two points that Cat hit on that also really stood out to me are as follows:

Originally Posted By: Scylla_Charibdis
he doesn't know me at all, that I'm mean and angry, he is judged by me. He felt he was losing himself. He thinks I guilt trip him, that I am critical, domineering, bossy, judgmental, stubborn, and hard to talk to. He believes that I think I am smarter than he is. He thinks I don't care what he wants and unappreciated. He thinks I am so busy telling him what I want and what he should want and do, I forget he has feelings too. He feels intimidated by me, that I roll right over him with my words, body language and emotion. He feels like he can't be the head of the household, the strong one, and masculine because I am so strong and overpowering. He feels great anxiety and pressure in even just talking to me.
He doesn't feel I respect, admire, or listen to him. He thinks I'm not fun. He feels threatened by me. He feels depressed when he is with me and only me. He feels he is only a paycheck. He saw my need to talk as my version of foreplay.

Originally Posted By: Cat
I have to say, I honestly thought my H had a list, but this one tops even his. He gave you a ton of stuff to work with. A ton of things that you could and probably should really look at.

Sometimes, their perception, even if we don’t agree with it, may not be that far off…

I would hope that it would be important to you as a woman, to make sure that a man does NOT feel this way.

When you emasculate a man, you end up with a little boy. Who will eventually run away in most cases. Find your feminine side. We all have them. Even tomboys like me.


No one is saying give up who you are, but really look for that sting and look at it from your H's perspective.

and ...

Originally Posted By: Syclla_Charibdis
My personal goals? Just to gain my emotional maturity and be serene,calm and if not happy...content.

Originally Posted By: Cat
This saddens me. I don’t want you to be merely content. I have a feeling that is where you were. I want you to want to be HAPPY and to pass THAT onto your children.

Content = Settling

I hope you want more for that for yourself.


Oh Cat ... I felt exactly the same way when I read that! SC ... do NOT settle. I too hope you want more for yourself than that ... and more for your children too!

Oh, and as promised ... PEI's current thread

Peace
PEI


Holding onto anger to punish someone else, is like lighting yourself on fire to get smoke in their eyes ~ 25yearsmlc