Detachment issues

[AntoniaB]

Not much to update in the past week other than that I have had zero trouble sticking to detaching from stbxh in terms of contact via text/email. I've thought about him less and less. I've had periods of the day where I go quite some time and I don't think of him. I don't even think he's the first thing on my mind when I get up in the morning. I've been more focused on my job than anything. I'm glad for the work!

The only contact from him came today--in a check that he sent to pay for some vet bills for our recuperating cat. He did the strangest thing, too. He wrote in the memo line. He rarely does that, and if he does, he just writes what it's for, such as "flooring" or "vet." Not this time. Nope, he went back into our past, and he wrote, "Get well, Baby T! :-)" Our cats have a lot of nicknames, but this is the very cutesy one. I mean, clearly the cat can't read, so this was meant for me. I just sort of looked at it in disbelief. Honestly, I feel like he's trying to get me to contact him. He knows that normally him being caring to the cats makes my guard go down, and the whole cutesy tone to this just makes me think he's pulling out the stops to try to keep a friendship with me.

Think of it this way: it was only after I finally said (and meant) that I loved him with all my heart but I was finally letting him go permanently because seeing him/talking to him was too painful that he started to be his "old self" with me. Nice, kind, supportive, letting his emotions out, even admitting to crying at the thought of never seeing me again. That only came after I said "I'm moving on. Goodbye." And this little note on the check, same thing. Only written and mailed after I sent my "farewell" letter.

I honestly think he is not able to let go and is trying to get me to stay friendly. Well, it won't happen. It can't happen. It's too dangerous and just holds me back from getting over him/past this.

I'm sticking to my guns this time, for my own peace of mind. Until or unless he is done with OW AND has control over his issues and/or is seeking help to grow and learn about his mistakes, I can't have him in my life.

I feel really good about this. I actually feel a sense of closure. I think all this time I had it wrong and figured he'd give me closure or not, and I think the ball has always been in my court and I didn't know it.