Someone suggest H is having a MLC....I don't know?

[Queen_of_Swords]

I am actively DB'ing. I have a great counselor at DB that I adore.

Of course I did everything wrong initially. But with my DB counselor's help, at least I am ok, even if I got the bomb last week.

I am actively working on me and have been since November of 2009, doing a specific program I can't mention here to address my issues. It's pretty comprehensive and is a three - five year commitment for me. I have changed greatly in doing this program and everyone notices, even H.

I am getting a life as best I can. Truly, I already had in many respects as H more or less used our home as a rest stop...we had parallel lives mostly with points of contact involving home and children. I was already getting many of my emotional needs met without him, as he further and further withdrew from me. My life in general has not changed that much as I had already taken on a lot of responsibility and was given much too.

I was a SAH homeschooling Mom for the last decade and now I'm seeking work. I've had a couple of temporary jobs, and am getting active in the kids school program since I enroled them this year.

His complaints about me? Oh God, where do I start?

He said:
he doesn't know me at all, that I'm mean and angry, he is judged by me. He felt he was losing himself. He thinks I guilt trip him, that I am critical, domineering, bossy, judgmental, stubborn, and hard to talk to. He believes that I think I am smarter than he is. He thinks I don't care what he wants and unappreciated. He thinks I am so busy telling him what I want and what he should want and do, I forget he has feelings too. He feels intimidated by me, that I roll right over him with my words, body language and emotion. He feels like he can't be the head of the household, the strong one, and masculine because I am so strong and overpowering. He feels great anxiety and pressure in even just talking to me.
He doesn't feel I respect, admire, or listen to him. He thinks I'm not fun. He feels threatened by me. He feels depressed when he is with me and only me. He feels he is only a paycheck. He saw my need to talk as my version of foreplay.

In sum he feels totally devalued by me.

I don't know how to address that frankly or even if I can at this point. Talking about our relationship and marriage is pointless and painful and against DB'ing. Before DB I did try to address some of these things, fruitlessly of course. When he left he was done and that's exactly what he said.

Had enough yet? I cried for a week after finding all this out. He had said VERY FEW of these things to me in the past, choosing silence and clenching his jaw over speech, and I admit I got defensive because I felt unappreciated and merely tolerated, often.

I realise it is his perception of me but not necessarily THE truth, just his view of me. Still, I can't read the list without crying.
Who would want to be married to the person he just described? I come off sounding like this horrible, Amazon, nagging woman with my mothering being my only redemptive quality.

My personal goals? Just to gain my emotional maturity and be serene,calm and if not happy...content.
To pass that gift on to my kids and help them grow emotionally, mentally. and physically healthy and well educated.
To find my bliss work wise and be self supporting. To get financially savvy enough that I can eventually get my money to work for me.
To save my marriage if possible. If not to bury it, and know I left no stone unturned.