Cadet and Cyrena, thank you for taking the time to reply to my post.
Cadet, I will read through all the links you've suggested. I have done a lot of reading on MLC already and ordered the DB book also - let's hope it gets to me soon!

Cyrena, looking back I can say I noticed him withdrawing a bit probably 6-9 months ago. I didn't think much of it to be honest- he had just stopped traveling for business and set something up close to home (also having in mind that we wanted to start a family one day and to be closer to home), so he was busy most evenings trying to get the business going. He started to get up really early in the mornings to go to the gym, but again, I didn't really think anything of it, I just thought, "I wouldn't get up THAT early but good for him!"... if I had known... he seemed a bit absent minded, yes, but I just thought he's got a lot on his plate.

Again, looking back, there have been 'events' that I think triggered his reaction but then again, at the time, they didn't seem that 'massive'...

His daughter turned 18 in August. I am not a parent so I don't know how that feels but I guess to him it was a big thing. We had set up a birthday party here in the UK for her 'english' part of the family, a big family meal about 4 weeks prior to the actual date as she was here for her summer holidays. I tried to do my best and booked the restaurant, sorted the table, bought the champagne, wrapped the presents... we also took her on a holiday to sicily as 'part' of her present. my H paid for her driving lessons.

at the time we had a discussion about going to italy for the 'actual' day but to be honest, after what we had done with her and for her in the summer, including the holidays, and taking into consideration that H is/was broke at the time, I voiced my opinion saying that I thought it was a bit OTT, flying over there just 3 weeks later. I kind of expected him to go anyway, he ended up not going.

I think that was a really big thing he regrets deeply now. for him, he says, he will never forgive himself for not being there. on her actual birthday.

and I think he will not forgive me for ... well, for not 'supporting' him enough. I don't know anymore what's right or wrong, when it happened I guess I felt I had a fair argument, now I feel like I shouldn't have said anything.

It seems like there were lots of things that to me weren't such a big deal but for him, in hindsight, were massive.

I don't want to put his concerns or issues about his daughter aside, quite the opposite. It just feels like such a build up out of nowhere and what I am missing is that in between these 'issues' which to me, as I said, were minor, in between those and him just leaving from one day to the next, there was NOTHING.
no conversation about him being unhappy.
no warning.

I guess someone who 'just' got married deserves a chat? I hope I'm not making people giggle here as I've read so many similar stories, obviously, but at the same time, I wouldn't treat my best friend in this way! Actually, i wouldn't treat any friend in that way so why treat your W so badly?

Anyway, I must sound confused I'm sure. Yes, I am sure that there are many 'issues' he still carries within himself and particularly regarding 'leaving' his daughter nearly 16 years ago (he left Italy to move back to the UK when she was 2) - he's been carrying guilt about that forever. But I cannot make him see that.

I also think that me wanting a baby freaked him out as it addressed his biggest fear (I am also from a different country - the same thing could happen again!)

We had already decided on baby names.

I guess what I'm trying to get to is... What on earth is this? Have I simply married a man with too many issues and didn't see it for TEN years? is it MLC? Did he just 'break' under the pressure, new work situation, wife wanting a baby, new family, daughter growing up, responsibilities?

how will I find my way out of this jungle?

I have married my best friend, a wonderful, loving and caring person who could make me laugh until I cried. I moved country with him, we made plans, I couldn't wait for our future.

And now everything is gone. He is gone. How can I find the answers to all my questions? He's not giving me any. What he says does not make sense.

"Of course I still love you, you don't just forget 10 years but I feel like this is better for me, I am not under pressure anymore"
"I don't want to put anyone through this, of course not but this is not about me, if it wasn't for my daughter we wouldn't be in this position"
"There are other things more important than myself"

He has been sleeping on his mum's sofa. For 4 months.

He's just been working. Working and going backwards and forwards to Italy. When we see eachother, it's initated by me (guess I've already made mistakes there), and we only talk about us when I ask (also, I realize I've made mistakes here), otherwise he would quite happily not talk about stuff at all.

When I ask how this is supposed to go on he says "it's better this way, being separated" and of course, if / when I've pushed him for answers he wants to sell the house, go 50/50 and get a divorce.

And of course I've cried. And begged for another chance (oops). I won't do that again I promise. But I don't know yet what to do next.

I guess I'll just read and listen...

For now I'm just glad I'm here and thank you for your support.