DB'ing but it's a daily struggle - need support 2

[ScaredinCanada]

Hang in there guys. Maybe we should make it a sort of contest between all of us who have the same sitches - who can last the longest! I guess we are all the same - still in the same house , some of us still in same bed, but with zero emotional connection with our spouses, and with kids who are young and who we prioritize above our pain.

Many of us have learned to look at this period as time to change, time to work on ourseves, and that is really good. But all of us are guilty of the same thing: trying to mind read, snooping, imagining what our spouses are doing and saying to OP, feeling the injustice to us and our kids, wondering why we have to face theconsequences of their mistakes. Like now, I am sitting here at work not paying attention and stopping myself from peeking into my H's cell phone records. I have told myself time and time again that what does it matterif I know they are talking again, if I know what they are doing .... will it change what I am doing right now? Will I throw his clothes out of the house and initiate the D? Of course not! So I might as well quit making myself miserable by finding out things that hurt me. Same with mind reading - our imagination goes wild and we end up having a pity party.

But of course, we are just human and we will do it. Again and again.

Agreed Angel. Generally I'm doing good and I am really focused on my changes for me - but my W and our family togetehr is still the biggest most important piece of my life. We still live in the same house, we still eat family dinners, we take the kids out as a family, we maintain our same responsibilities, she still wears her rings, we sleep in the same bed...we just have no PERSONAL R at all...I told her a few weeks back that I am living with a ZOMBIE!