are you kidding me? what emails are you talking about? did you mistake me for a different poster? i am assuming the role of victim? he hit me! i have been very clear in articulating what i want. i want my old h back. but he's gone, or was never really there at all.
Why leap so quickly into defensiveness and rejection because of a single wrong word choice (on a site which disallows editing)? Why not reread to try to get to the sense of what each poster is trying to say to you?
I agree that you were the victim of a single blow. "Assuming the role of a victim" refers to your statements about seeking support from other victims of domestic abuse, etc.--it seems a way of turning one incident into a "pattern" in order to focus on that rather than on the larger picture.
People who easily portray themselves as victims generally have been the victim of some sort of abuse in childhood/young adulthood--that's why the role seems so natural to them. The speed with which you assumed it made me wonder whether there was something in your past which needed to be explored.
A person who sees herself primarily as a "victim" does so in order to avoid responsibility, to shift all blame on the perpetrator. This is a stance which makes it difficult to work on one's own issues. Certainly, all the blame for that blow rests on your husband's shoulders--but what inadequacies in the relationship can YOU take responsibility for?
You worry that you may have damaged the relationship between your H and his friend. That's why it's better not to involve friends to interfere between H and wife. However, since it's done, don't forget that it was your friend's choice, as an adult, to intervene and take your part, as well as to develop a new relationship with you, and you're not responsible for his choices.
As for how to approach your H now--I still suggest speaking with a counsellor, who could help you with your letter and might be able to facilitate some dialogue between the two of you if your H was willing.
