Losing my motivation....need some advice quick...

[hope2011]

Gypsy, hugs girl. Sorry I wasn't on-line last night to respond.

When I DB'd for my 1st marriage, I DB'd for 2 years. He left me for OW. I went dark for a year. I tried an occasional, happy e-mail to open up communication. I tried being nicer and being his friend. I tried every 180 in the book. He was cavalier too, had tunnel vision of his life, his wants, his needs. 10 yrs of marriage meant zip to him. He moved around the first year before he moved in with OW. Years later I learned, he did regret it all. He left her too. He's still lost.

Why am I telling you all this? Because this is what I learned, looking back now:

- Moving around meant nothing. He was irresponsible all the way around. Finances, living arrangements, etc. Not just with me.

- All his relationships suffered (family, friends). They dealt with his confusion, selfishness too.

- Going dark for a year was a big mistake. Out of sight, out of mind. It was good for me, I needed the distance. But not in DB. Not for that long. Months would've been enough.

- D is just a piece of paper. But I PANICKED big time right before it became final. I felt like it was my last chance. I reacted just how he expected me - panicked and desperate and reaching out. When it was just a piece of paper. Thankfully, I kept it together enough that he didn't see me panicked.

Denver gave you some good advice. But find a way to do it so that the timing isn't perceived as panic stricken reaching out. Do you have papers to go through? Photos to divide? A real reason to speak to him? Maybe meet for coffee when you pick up the checks?

Breathe. You will make it through this.