It took my wife over a year to acknowledge that I have made changes and that I am a much nicer person and better father than I was up until the Bomb was dropped. She too though has concerns that it took up until now for me to make those changes.
I do think they over state things to support their position. My wife told me that my kids were afraid of me because of my anger. My two older kids have told them that they were never afraid of me and that yes, I did fly off the handle at times, they didn't view it as being a big deal. My wife on the other hand feels that I ahve traumitized our kids and that they will never recover especially our oldest. He thinks its bizzare that she says things like that.
Keep being that patient, calm and steady person. The longer that you can demonstrate this without backsliding the better. I have not had one slipup in the past 15 months. Its is difficult but you have to do it. Thats where the 5 second technique also comes into play. You take 5 seconds before responding so you can avert your typical response. My kids have commented that it was like I had turned off a switch and my oldest calls me the "new dad".
Glad to hear that you can cope with this situation at work. Having and keeping your job through all of this is very important as well.
