But sometimes I feel if I'm on borrowed time. Sometimes I do something that I know causes friction like initiate a talk or get upset about something substantial. yet, my wife feels that these talks are an important step.
But I remember when I had issus this fall, my wife would always say the same thing - I love you, I'm here for you and I'm not going anywhere. Then she reached a breaking point.
So while she says things will workout and not to worry about the long term, I'm scared that she might change on that and I'd feel responsible because I bring up some of these issue.
But I wonder if the process will wear her down just like my actions did last year.
I say to myself "If I can just create a fun, loving environment with no fights/talks for the next 2 weeks we will get on track." I need to focus more on the now...today. Like each day, make it a goal to not get upset at the small stuff, be patient with my W and if I have a major issue talk about it in a calm manner. None of the open ended week stuff. I might start each day by writing down a few goals for that day.
My question for the piecing vets? Did you have a lot of M/R talks especially during the early stages? Did it get kinda weary as you worked through this stuff? Did your SO show signs of fatigue with it? how did you handle it.
Thanks.
Your fear is understandable. You don't and won't know for some time if you are on borrowed time, so be careful of making comments like that that can't be supported with evidence. You're working on getting your M to a stable place.
It sounds like your W tries to maintain her faith in you and the M, and doesn't pay attention to her stress level until she is overwhelmed, or finds herself stuck and doesn't know what else to do, so drowns in her emotions, and abruptly calls it quits. She will need to and hopefully already is taking better care of herself.
Are you working on your issues from this fall?
She is responsible for keeping herself strong throughout this process. It's her job to take of herself, and manage her own stress. If she starts getting worn out, she needs to ask for help from someone, or increase her self-care activities.
No fights or talks or drama for two weeks seems unrealistic and not an accurate standard for progress. What do you mean by on-track? I would redefine this, to better reflect where the R is at. I like the goals you've identified for yourself, that you have influence over.
It seems important to your W to have talks, so continue to provide that for her.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
