SA, I'm sorry. I wanted to get back to you before this.
Sweetie, I know how hard it is to get your mind around the fact that your h has filed.
As long as he doesnt, you kind of dont have to see it as real. You look at it as a sign that maybe he is not sure of the path he's taken.
I see you trying to find a pattern and there really is no rhyme or reason to it.
I got the bomb. H stayed in my bed for 7 months, stayed in my home for two years until I could no longer handle it. During that time, he amassed over $60,000 in debt, I finally filed, with a heavy heart, almost three years post bomb, to try to stop further damage. He lost his job at year 2 and claims that's why he never filed.
Now he is dragging this out in court.
Who knows why? Not me.
It doesnt matter. Really it doesnt. I believe my h has to see it through because he lost his job and he still wasnt happy. He moved out, still not happy. So, it must be because he is still married to me. When he's not, THEN he'll be happy. Not!
So, recognise that it's a difficult thing because it is. But, it doesnt change your journey, if you dont want it to.
You continue on your path. Find out what makes you happy, what fills you up. Change the things about yourself you want to change.
Getting divorced doesnt affect your chances of reconnecting. In some ways, it gives him a clean slate.
Point is this. Do what you have to do to protect yourself. I wish I had done that sooner.
And then, continue on your way.
I know this is hard. I wish that it wasnt. But you will get through this. I know it.
I see you are still up bright and early these days. I so hope you are taking care of yourself. Stress can knock the shizbot out of you in record time, and leave you open to all kinds of nasty bugs.
Try to look at it as just a piece of paper in the process. It's only as important as the importance you put on it. In my mind, signing a divorce decree won't bind me anymore than the marriage license did with him. Win, lose or draw, it will be my decision as to my life from that moment on.
You have been such an inspiration to so many of us here, and we all hate to see you hurting this way. We also understand it's just a process we all have to go through, and you will come through with shining colors. Just take care of yourself physically and mentally.
Also - are you sure he really filed or was he just mouthing off? No papers yet? I live in the backwoods of Arkansas and they found me in 5 days. ((HUGS))
ME: 54 Him: 51 M: 20 years T: 21 years OW/New wife: 36 Sons & Daughters: 7 (ages 24-36) Bomb: March 4, 2010 He Filed: April 28, 2010 I Contested: May 1, 2010 Standing Down: 11/24/10 Divorced : 05/04/2011
Thank you for your kind words and concern. I hear all that you're saying to me and agree with it.
I'm busy digging myself out of the hole I was in. Don't like it in there. It's a dark, lonely place to be. I will get through this. I have no choice. I have young folks counting on me.
Yes, I'm sure he filed. He's not one to play games like that. It was two weeks ago today that he told me about them. I know his L isn't speedy on things.
H has always done our income tax filing jointly. I have sent him the question whether we're going to file jointly or separately this year. I know that still being legally married we could do that. If he says he wants to file separately can I claim our 2 younger children on my income tax even though he pays child support? My paycheck is used to pay mortgage, utilities, taxes, insurance and maintain the residence. He does buy the girls their extras, clothes, toys over and beyond C/S.
Hi SA, just wanted to say hello and let you know that I'm thinking of you....
See what your H replies about the tax filing, but maybe you should check with your lawyer or an accountant if you are filing for the first time as a separated couple...you wouldn't want to miss on any deductions.
(((hugs)))
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
Good planning on your part re: taxes. When I was working on my pre-nup with the attorney who represented me, he told me that once a M'ed couple files taxes jointly, they cannot file separately if they are still M'ed. Don't know if that is/was a federal regulation or state only, but suspect it is federal since he didn't make a distinction.
You can probably get the answer to that question pretty easily without having to pay a L or an accountant. The IRS must state that on a website somewhere or maybe someone in your local government can tell you the answer.
Knowledge is power, so regardless of the answer you will be able to be on top of the situation.
Interesting that you haven't been served yet. In my situation, my XH threatened to have me served 2 months before he actually did. My XH isn't one to make empty threats either so I know that he meant it when he said it originally. I just think it was a hard thing for him to do.
What I've learned matches what Mach said as far as having to come to an agreement.
I can tell you that my H and I still file jointly (No legal sep) and each pay or spilt the return. In my case until someone files, it makes the most sense financially.
