Man I hear you, I go from sad to super angry. Especially when my D asks for her or cries because she is gone. I blame my W. Look both parties here played a role in the separation there is little doubt about that. I think your W and mine might have similar opinions on us but if I have learned one thing is that when I get upset I validate her believes in me. "There is the A&&hole I know" she said to me on the 5th of Jan when she told me she filed. I was upset she was throwing away a decade.
After a few days of calming down and reflecting and I spoke to her again I was cool pleasant and reassuring. What I got was a much softer W. Now she thinks to herself "that was a nice conversation" That week we spoke almost every day small simple stuff but what I failed to see was the good I was actually doing. Then this last Saturday we started out great and I ended up backsliding and brought up the Divorce and the marriage asking her to stop it and give us a chance. My result. No contact since. The results are pretty telling I think.
I've thought about this all week and realized that any time I talk to her and she gets off the phone feeling good about the conversation I am actually winning. If she goes through with the divorce at least I want her thinking he was a great guy as oppose to thinking I am glad I did this cause he is a D&^% head. No! I will not give her that satisfaction any longer.
It's funny until I type these words I didn't really get it. I could be angry and bitter all I want but as it turns out she has been Dbusting me all along. Detached, always initiates the end of the call (when I try she continues to ask questions) is friendly and pleasant and never mean. So, what happens? I want her more. Why could not that work the other way around? Because we are the ones desperate and we fail to see the little things.
Staying pleasant actually gives her pause to rethink and reflect, lashing out only makes her believe she has made the right choice.
I hope she calls again because I am going to put this theory to the test. By the way mine already filed and I just sent her back the papers yesterday, she should have them by Friday. Still hoping she stops this but who knows!
