I have been in my situation for almost 15 months now. About 2 months ago I was able to confirm that my wife was/is having an EA with a co-worker. Over those 15 months I have felt like crap more days than not.
I confronted my wife about EA on December 4 and looking back I honestly do not know how I made it through the month of December. I was completely useless at work and people were commenting to me that I looked "conflicted". I did not share any of my issues with anyone other than my councelor. December was a very bad time, January is not great, but is a better place.
You can only take things one day at a time and one step at a time. I am reading a book called 5 Seconds at a Time, which advsies you to focus on getting through only the next 5 seconds vs trying to get through what you think the next day week or year may bring. I have found the book to be very helpful. It is an easy read and one with key messages that are easy to retain.
We all want to feel good, but at the sametime we have to be aware that we are carrying a huge burden on our backs so we have to be realistic. Those of us on this Board are all doing "the heavy lifting" right now with respect to our relationships.
I think my wife is in the same position as yours, she doesn't want to be the bad guy that ends the marriage. My approach is to wait her out. The longer time passes and I show that I have made permanent changes that she refuses to acknowledge, will put the responsibility for our marriage ending onto her shoulders. I ahve said in my Thread, that my wife would have been better to end things when I was a angry jerk. Fortunately for me, that person no longer exists.
You and I are both doing everything that we can to protect our children from the trauma of a divorce and save our marriages. Every day that you hang in there and show improvement, makes things that much more difficult for your spouse.
We have no relationship, but we do have a plan and an approach to lead us down at path to trying to get one. Hang in there!
