DB'ing but it's a daily struggle - need support.

[ScaredinCanada]

If you see some of the things that you are doing as pursuing, then why do them? Now, if you read my thread at all, you see that I've done it too. But we should really try to not do things that are not going to help our situations. It's much easier for me to say this type of thing to you than to actually apply to myself.

But when you do this, you're not really getting an update. You are trying to fill an emotional need for yourself. Validation that things will be ok. Remember one of the first things that is preached here is to believe ZERO of what WAS says and 50% of what you see. So if she answers a question that you pose, are you applying that? If so, then you can't believe her answer anyway. So not only are you pursuing her, hearing stuff that only hurts your own emotional well being, but also wasting your time! You're also reminding her of the negative feelings that she has about you and M right now. And probably also annoying her. Leave her alone for a while.

Besides, I think that I can answer the question about whether your W is confused and wondering if D is the right decision... SHE IS! So now you don't need to ask any more.

Thanks Denver. What I was getting at was I realize after the fact the those things were likely pursuing, but I didn't realize that in the moment. I also agree that there is really no value in trying to get an update on where she's at. I know she's thinking about the sitch, but it doesn't annoys me to think that she's planning her escape when we could actually be working together to try and solve the issues.

She also trying to validate what she's doing because when she asked me if I had gone out on a date, she said "It's fine if you did, I'm ok with that". Again I think she is hoping that she can just stay sitting on the f*%king fence and eventually I'll make the decision to leave and then she won't be the bad person.

D5's birthday dinner last night was ok, some tough moments with the W. Just trying to make small talk with her and she seemed pissed off that I was?! D5 was so happy so it's all good as far as I am concerned.