I read your other thread and we are in a similar situation. I am a few weeks further out than you, I think. We tried the separate sleeping arrangements, and as my H did all the crazy things your wife is doing and then some, I became more angry.
I found out about some very irresponsible spending and told him to find another place to live - I couldn't trust his judgement and worried about losing everything (house, etc). It was the best thing for me. I am so much more at peace - and he has to face the reality of being on his own without the comforts of home and family.
I realize this is not the best DB strategy, but we have been on this rollercoaster before, just like you - about 10 years ago. I'll share my story here soon, but right now I am trying to detach and dwelling on it makes me sad and isn't productive. I don't know if I am actually DBing him anymore. I think I am just working on detaching and DBing myself for the first time - expecting nothing from him and TRULY focusing on me. It is very different from the last time. I am really letting go of the outcome - I thought I did before, but I didn't.
I say all this just to let you know I support you, and understand that you are frustrated and hurting right now. I would do whatever brings you peace. Focus on what YOU can control(very little actually), and let her go. It is scary, and your feelings will become clear in time. Breathe... pray (if you do that)... read... share your heart with others... take care of your children and yourself.
