Mila I am not judging you. However, having been at this a long time, I realise how hurt and damaged we still are for at least 2 years post bomb. I am not saying stand still, just be aware that you are still very re-active to your husband and what he did. I am not suggesting that you wait 7 years for your husband, but that you give yourself a reasonable amount of time, and have therapy for the trauma, before you enter into another commitment Your fear of being alone is very telling.
A very good friend of mine married, many years ago, a man whose wife had a MLC. He married her about 2 years post bomb, and as a couple they are now dealing with the fact that he hadn't dealt with the demise of his first marriage. They are comitted to each other, and having counselling, both separately and together. I hope and pray they will make it through. But it has made me even more aware of the problems that emerge years on, if we attempt 'healing' through another person, rather than sorting ourselves out.
There is probably little about loneliness that you can tell me, as I have been there, and am through the other side. It is crucial for our self development, imo, that we learn to live alone. I don't mean this to sound harsh, and I sincerely wish you joy in any neew relationship, but in reality it is very early days. Yes I know you are 53, and time does not stand still . . Another friend of mine met the love of her life recently and has married . . she had given up on any thoughts of meeting the right man, and he is wonderful. There aren't many of them, and they are out there.
