Count your blessings instead of sheep...

[AliSuddenly]

Hey Bobbi.. well from what I understand, its not a linear process, you're going to still have these feelings, slide backs etc, I mean you were with him for half your adult life, its understandable isnt it.

I was thinking about you last night. I have a friend whose H is border line abusive, just the way he barks at the kids and is hard on them at times, talks down to my friend, is critical, rude, blaming her, positively nasty sometimes, controlling, critical of her parenting..He's also been texting and contacting old girlfriends on FB, but she stayed with him because he continually refused to discuss it, or admit to any affair. She is finally able to recognise it for what it is - emotional and verbal abuse and is planning to leave him imminently. She lost sight of herself and whats best for her kids. This type of abuse chips away at you, undermines you, you get anaethetised to it and you start excusing that person and even thinking you are somehow to blame.

I know your marriage is past this point now and you had alot of IC, but...when I think back, as an outsider, on some of the things Dan has said, texted and done to you, it sort of beggars belief that you would have stayed with him, neverlone still mourn his loss. But its not as simple as that hey, as like my friend, you loved him and were emotionally invested and having young children complicates it. Its been hard for her to let go of the dream and admit that she cant fix it.

My friend is now talking to other woman whose husbands made them feel the way hers has. Shes now putting her energies into understanding herself, her rights, her future, rather than trying to understand him or his major issues (seems to be about his mother, natch). She's slowly coming out of that fog and I hope she can move on with her kids (3 and 4). She has a hard road ahead, but whatever it brings, she deserves better than a lifetime with him.

Some people are just toxic hey, as much as you try to help them and urge them to go to IC or MC (her H flat refused).

Sorry for long story. Love and hugs to you, you're doing well kiddo
Al xxx