I am new ... looking for answers & help.

[Denver_2010]

September - I'm very sorry that you find yourself here. None of us want to be, but it is a VERY good place to get advice and support.

I don't know much about MLC, bc i don't believe that it is really part of my personal situation. I would suggest that you repost your sitch under the MLC forum here on this site to see if you can get some feedback from some of the vets there. JackThreeBeans is a new moderator over there and he offers tremendous advice and insight. I'm sure that there are others as well.

The one thing that I can somewhat relate to in our story is the problem with your H's daughter. I too have a daughter who lives far away from me with her mom. This has also been a huge issue bw my W and I. W loves my daughter, but every time there was a visit, there was an added layer of stress in our M. I think that this stemmed from my W not really knowing her role in the dynamic bw my daughter and I and maybe a little jealousy bc of all the attention that I wanted to give daughter when I saw her. I only get to see her 2 or 3 times per year due to the distance. My W also has a son (11) who lives with us. This was also an added stress when my D visited but that doesn't seem relevant to your sitch.

The one thing that I can say from my experience with this? Don't think that you can supplant your SD's role as your H's number 1 priority in life. It isn't going to happen. He loves his daughter more than anything or anyone. You just have to accept that. That's not to say that your H can't love you at a very close level, but there's something about your own children that S's can't equal. And I felt it from both perspectives. I love my life so much I can hardly stand it. But when my daughter is here, my W takes a bit of a backseat. I don't do that consciously. In fact, I try not to do it. BUt it just happens. And with my SS living with me and W... I had to accept that my W loved him more than anything in the world, including me. It's just the way that it is. You said that you don't have children of you own, so my guess is that you will understand this more once you do.

With this all said, my advice is to validate ALL of your H's feelings on that issue.

Now go to MLC to see if you'd be better suited getting advice there. If not, come back and us newbies will still be here!