Well I'd say I did pretty well under the circumstances. I did some no no's but overall things were positive. First let me set the scene, I have grown a beard since she last saw me and I know she liked it. She commented positively on it twice. I had a new shirt on which she liked and said so. I made brownies (W loves 'em) and the house looked great.
Ok, W said that she knows I love her and that she loves me. That was never in question. BUT, 1) too much has happened that she can't get past, 2) we have similar personalities that clash and create a tense atmosphere, 3) she wants children and though she knows I would "take one for the team" that's not right, and 4) she wouldn't want to raise a child in said "tense atmosphere". She said all the things I thought she would say. "I can't do this anymore", "I can't be married to you anymore". So I said, say the words, YOU WANT A DIVORCE. She did and flubbed the D word the first time and so I questioned her again and she repeated I want a D. She said it appeared thing were getting better on the surface or that changes really were being made by me and she just didn't care. That was the most hurtful thing said.
Now throughout this I was in control of my emotions but for one brief moment, I validated what she was saying, I made her laugh, at times I hugged her and she hugged me back, I kissed her forehead and she seamed to lean into me. She kept telling me she was sorry and didn't want to hurt me. I said she didn't have to apologize and that everything was going to be OK. She said, "I'm not sure it's going to be OK" to which I said that if she had doubts that she should slow things down, go to lunch with me next week. She shook her head and said no. Why did she keep telling me "sorry" even though I'm telling her not to and that things will be Ok? She said she hasn't filed yet but she will and that we should talk in a few days.
I told her I really did want kids. I said I've been planning on it and that it's no tactic or lie to get her back. She looked wounded or skeptical when I said that. IDK? Also she was annoyed with me when I asked her if she found a father for this kid she wants to have. She said no. I didn't pose this question to see if she was having an affair, I asked her several questions and the point was to show her that she hasn't really thought things out. That was the only really bad thing I did.
She left with some brownies, a snow globe my mother had bought for her, and a box with her personal things including pics of me, her wedding bouquet, and a book that I bought her when we first became friends before dating. She commented twice, once early and once upon leaving, on the letter I left for her. She said thank you for the beautiful letter. After she left I text her a joke and got some back and forth texting like I haven't had in nearly three months. So tell me, can I save this marriage?
