Had some contact with H yesterday via text/phone etc. He had to send me some photos to develop (our whole family is submitting photos to the state fair competition). The deadline is Friday and time is running out. He seemed pretty much the same. Friendly but still sounding super overly stressed out. Didn't hear from him all evening/night. I figured he was either sleeping or drinking with his pals.
Found out this morning it was the latter. He flew two friends in to help him with the conference. They routinely drink till 4-5 am and on days where my H can join, he does. But he's been realizing that AD meds/Xanax and alcohol don't mix well. So he just drinks less (ugh). So he was hurting this morning. He tried to call me this morning but I was working and couldn't take his call. I texted him a few times this afternoon and he said he was still having issues even though it was the last day and that he was popping Xanax to make it through. He continued to bemoan the fact that he had agreed to go diving with his friends this weekend and he totally didn't feel up for it now. I recommended to do what HE needed to do for his health.
This evening, he called and chatted for a bit. Told me about the day and the problems he had with coworkers. Brought up not wanting to go on the dive trip again but felt bad since his friends had made their flight arrangments counting on the fact that they'd go diving together afterwards. Since I was planning on renting a car to drive down there, I told him he might consider just offering to rent a car for his friends so they can go diving on their own. That way they can still go but he doesn't have to. He said he'll think about it. He said he always plans and then always regrets planning it. I asked if he regrets going after he's gone and he said yes. So I said it sounded like maybe he ought to bail, even though that WOULD suck for his friends. We'll see what happens. He told me he'd call me later this evening and prolly talk to D. I said great but didn't really believe him. Since it's nearly midnight, I think I was right.
So he still sounds pretty crappy. I've kind of taken a large step back in my interactions with him. I've stopped talking about myself at all and he's been so busy he hasn't really asked much. The few questions he DID ask me, he asked me numerous times (MLC amnesia still present). For example, I had a horrible snafu this morning getting D to school. He has no idea and I won't bring it up for now. He's not mentally ready to deal with his issues and listen to MY problems. I am DYING to know how his interactions with x-OW went. But I will have to wait for the right time to ask (or wait for him to tell me). They seemed to be completely ignoring each other while I was there and I have no doubt that wasn't/couldn't be the case the whole time.
But I see some positives as well. I think his retracting from me, in a way, may have been his way of dealing with the fact that he'd have to be retracting from her at the conference. It was easier for him to do both and just retract in general. A coping mechanism of sorts. But since I've left the conference, he's been the one initiating contact with me. I haven't called him at all. He's called me numerous times. I tend to send him short "good morning" emails and he usually responds. I do it just to let him know I'm thinking about him without actually saying so. And I keep the email short and light hearted. Although I was looking forward to a weekend trip, I think I'd prefer if he'd bail on the trip with his friends. He has eaten about 1/2 a meal every other day and has slept for about 2 hours a day since getting there last week. He needs to recuperate. Where he would recuperate is still a question. He said he was "back home" shortly before the conference. I wonder if he still feels that way or if he will retreat to his place to recover. In a way, I would be OK if he did so. He kind of needs some peace and quiet.
"Love me when I least deserve it, for that is when I need it the most"
M18 Me39,H42 D16 Bomb 1/10 Moved out 3/10 OW 6/10 H wants to R,OW gone 11/10 H moves back 5/11 H wants to wear rings again 9/11