Deju vu, but new to the online forum...round 2

[Denver_2010]

MJ - First of all, get your head up. This is a roller coaster and you've got to hang on!! There is a list of DBing do's and don'ts... don't know if you've seen it and read it, but here are a few of on that list that you need RIGHT NOW...

32.Do not believe any of what you hear and less than 50% of what you see. Your spouse will speak in absolute negatives becausehe/she is hurting and scared.

33.Do not give up no matter how dark it is or how bad you feel.

21.Never lose your cool! Don't let your spouse trap you into a fight. Don't take her/his bait.....leave the room or the house for a while, if you have to, in order to avoid a fight.

23.Do not argue about how your spouse feels about something (it only makes his/her feelings more negative.) Only they know how they feel!

24.Be patient......very, very patient. Give your spouse space and time. When you pull back, it will draw them towards you. It feels opposite of what you want to do, but it works!

25.Listen carefully to what your spouse is really saying to you. Look them in the eyes when they talk to you. Do not interrupt them when they are speaking and stop what you may be working on to look at them when they talk. This shows them that you really care about what they are saying.

26.Learn to back off, shut up and walk away when you want to
speak out (or scream and yell).

27.Take care of yourself (exercise, sleep, laugh & focus on all
the other parts of your life that are not in turmoil). This is for your health's sake.
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Ok, now, like Bolt said, focus on your job interview. That is immediately important whereas the sitch w W isn't... not today. You getting yourself a new job has got to be your top priority. For YOU, your self confidence... and for your M.

My thought on your sitch is this, you have moved out, your W is angry and doing and saying things to justify to HERSELF that D is the right thing to do. Remember, believe zero of what she says. I would suggest that you figure out a regular schedule to see the kids and GO DARK for a few weeks. Just try it for a few weeks and see if you get a reaction. It did help my sitch when my W first moved and was acting much like your's is now. It helped get FOBD's sitch to a much more manageable state as well. GO DARK and work on DETACHING with Love. Like I said, set a goal of 3 weeks or so and see if anything happens.

Your W needs to get over her anger and she needs to MISS YOU! This will not happen while you continue to have these useless conversations that the two of you have been having in recent days. If you go dark, maybe it will give W something else to think about, i.e.,"what is MJ doing and thinking? I haven't spoken to him in 3 weeks." You've got to turn the tables a bit here. JMO

Hang in there. It's going to be okay.

BITS!!

Denver