Having a really hard time...

[what next?]

Yeah, I meant that the going to eat was an analogy for the whole relationship. I try to get input from her but she doesn't have any then I get frustrated and she goes with whatever my idea was but secretly building up resentment towards me. I'm sure that her perspective is different but I can sincerely say that I WANTED her input and want her to fill fulfilled as a person. I have a dominant personality and I love to debate and I think that a lot of that carried over into my marriage without me realizing it. I would think that my valid argument won out but in reality she was just conceding because she is passive. Our problem was communication and she gets super frustrated when I say that because she feels like she tried everything she could to communicate. I take that on me and have told her that I'm only saying that I didn't get the message, not that she did anything wrong.

Over all I think that she is treating me like I'm her brother... she might have read somewhere that that is what she is supposed to do lol. But maybe she is giving me baby steps that I don't recognize because of how soul wrenching it is to me to hear her speak to me like that.

I know that I didn't validate any of her concerns especially at first. I can say that I *thought* that I was validating them and I understood that whether or not they were real they were her reality BUT I always tried to argue her out of that place. Instead of listening and understanding I was busy trying to talk her out of what she was feeling. I think I'm going to start making all of my happily married friends start reading DB just so they know ahead of time what to look for

On a related note last week a good friend of mine who is completely familiar with my situation had his wife flirting with the idea of dropping the bomb. She said she was scared because she felt numb and like they were roommates. Those are the exact same words that my wife said to me. I sent her the link to the "I'm thinking about leaving thread" and explained to her that feeling that way is normal and that even if she couldn't see past those feelings to a day when she wouldn't feel that way that day would come. I also told the guy to back way off and if she says anything to validate it... i specifically told him that if she says something and he wants to say "yes, I can see that but" ... DON'T Let that sentence out of his mouth lol. Stop before "but" and he did what I said. She already seems to have calmed way down so hopefully she was looking for help as soon as she started feeling anything negative.

[Denver_2010]

Another question.. should I mention to her that I am here looking for work? I am working for Jason (as she mentions in the email) but it's not full time. Do I say "I'm here working for him for the next 2 weeks but I'm looking for work while I'm here" ? I don't know how to answer her question... I have told her that I am planning to move to Houston though.

Next - Hopefully, you haven't already responded to her email. I meant to suggest that you wait 12-24 hours to respond anyway. So my revised idea of how you should respond...

"W - I am doing really well. Thanks for letting me know about the cell phone bill. You're right, Slayde is so adorable! I'm working for Jason for a couple of weeks down here while I look for a permanent job. How are you doing?
Whatnext?"

[what next?]

Yeah I hadn't responded and was thinking about doing it now but I'm going to wait until the morning. I think that will be better and maybe even create a little anticipation in her. Before when we would talk over email I could keep it calm until she said something that hit me the wrong way and then I would go into a 5000 word note about how much I have changed and how I see things differently now. So, if I wait then she will probably be expecting that but instead it will be nice and cheerful and to the point

[what next?]

ok, I responded... I wrote quite a bit more but only concerning the deal that Jason just did that was pretty massive and she would be interested to hear about because it relates to her job. (I think that me being able to "talk shop" with her will go along ways towards showing her my GAL)

...............

Weather is pretty nice down here lol. Slayde is awesome. He was
getting pretty attached to me but this will make three weeks of not seeing him so hopefully he remembers me when I get back. I'm working for Jason while I'm down here interviewing with staffing companies. When I search MBA in Tulsa I get 75 jobs but when I search MBA in Houston I get 1300.

Tera had back surgery and they closed on a deal in December. She has boxes of records that they got from the company that was liquidating their assets so I'm helping her go through all of that. Jason ended up buying 30% and got a 5% carry... (then I go into some details of the deal for a minute)

How are you doing?

.....................

So, hopefully I kept it all light and peaked her interest with the talk of Jason's deal. What do you guys think?

[Denver_2010]

Looks good to me Next... let us know how she responds.

[what next?]

Will do. I expect he to say something like "I'm great thanks!" lol

[Denver_2010]

She might... or, she might send you a 5000 word email describing her entire life. You don't know until you try. I'm beginning to understand that a major part of DBing is experimenting with what works and what doesn't... that's what you did with that email. You opened the door for some communication. Now let's see if it works. If it doesn't you try something different.

[what next?]

Yeah... I'm pretty sure she is going to try to keep everything close to the vest but we'll see. And this time I wont get discouraged if she does.

[what next?]

Still no response...

[MrBond]

No expectations. Do something to keep your mind off her non-response.