Need advice please!!! Not sure on next move?

[Denver_2010]

Hi Dixie. I read through your thread. I don't quite understand the dynamic bw you and H from the time that he initially left and now. You are still M'd. But he has a place to live separate from you? How close does he live? What does he do for a living where he only comes to see you on his day off? What has been his position on returning to M home during all of this time? What is he looking for before he will return to truly work on M?

You two have been separated for going on 5 years it sounds like. IMO, you have not had a true M during this time. Do you agree with that?

Further, it sounds like you have allowed him to gorge on cake for years. He gets the benefit of having a W to see once a week and go on trips with, but also gets to be single! Dixie, IMHO, this has to stop. Listen, I have been accused of being a real b*stard when it has come to my gfs and even my W through the years. I always had the attitude that I could take or leave them. For the most part that has always been true bc I always knew that there were plenty of women out there and that I am good at dating them. It wasn't until my W came along and made me fall in love with her that I let this part of me go... somewhat... some of the attitude remained which has landed me here. Now I'm ready to get rid of it completely and am working on it. I have been HUMBLED!

Ok, so the point is, is that I was able to get away with all of that cr*p bc the women that I dated LET ME. Your H will continue with the way that he is living his life as long as you LET HIM. There is no reason for him to change. Have you ever heard the saying "why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?" That is your H. IMO.

As he does with everyone, Bond is giving you excellent advice. In fact, I think that he is particularly on his game here on your thread. You need to start being strong, confident, and someone who realizes that she is worthy of being loved. And your H has to have a little fear jarred into him that he may lose that woman forever!

Begin by detaching (a part of this that I find particularly difficult myself). Then GAL. Start doing things that build your self confidence and let you live the life that you want to live for YOU... stop living and waiting for H to come in and out of your life. If you do this, and he truly loves you, then maybe, just maybe, he will start to see the dangerous line that he is walking by treating his M this way.

Denver