W Left almost 3 months ago

[FellOnBlackDays]

2step, this is FOBD,
Man, I am a wreck today, but trying to help others seems to soothe my mind. So, here it goes:

1) My hands are clamy and I am sweating as I read the quotes from your W. They are the exact words my W has used on me. From the part about not being able to trust me, to being burnt out on the marriage, to "he is just a friend," she has said it all. Why am I telling you this? To remind you that this whole damned thing is just a stupid game all couples play and we all use the same pieces and the same board. So, smile, you are not alone in this, buddy. Between your W, Denver's W, Bolt's W and mine, I would think we are all married to the same W. OK, so don't think you are going through something that we can't all help you with. We are here for you and we take turns helping each other. We are a team.

2) Stop chasing her. That was my biggest mistake. My DB friends say so, my MC says so, my family says so. Yes, it is hard. Stop for a moment, remember the hardest thing you have done in your life and then multiply that by 10. That is what you can expect to come your way. Does that suck? Yes! But, here we all are and we are all still alive and kicking. Be strong. I will give you this, you do have one aspect of your sitch that is a bit more difficult. The geographical distance. But, if you love her and want to save your M, you can overcome that.

3) Feeling crappy, out of control, helpless, desperate to hear her voice, whatever you may feel is OK. My MC has told me it is very, very important that you don't deny yourself time with your feelings. If you need to cry, cry. If you need to go out in the woods and scream and break things, do it. As long as you don't do it in front of your W, you will be fine. Actually, I recommend it. Last week, my wife was coming over on Tuesday night to have "the talk." So, what did I do? I left work early, went home, cleaned the house so that all was in order, spent two hours in the gym burning up my anger, rushed home, made myself a nice dinner, and right before she arrived, I took one shot of an adult beverage. When she arrived, the house looked great, I looked great having come from the gym, and I was composed and collected. You can read how the night went on my sitch. Don't deny your feelings and be prepared there will be good days and bad. Hell, I have already cried twice today for no damned good reason. Why? Well, I was watching a show about a person's father passing away? Boom, tears! Today, a song that was played at my wedding came on the radio. Boom, tears! Let it flow. This crap we have been taught all our lives that men can't have emotions is garbage. If I had emotions, my W would still be by my side.

4) Last and most importantly, learn how to use this forum and come here often. Make this a daily task. When I am proud of something I have done, I post it here. Others applaud my efforts and I feel good. When I am down, I come here. Others suddenly jump in and assure me that it will be OK and to be strong. My MC costs $300 per hour. This forum... FREE.

2step, as the founder and president of BITS, you are officially in the club. So far, we have Denver, Bolt, Lost, MJ, Sad, and the list goes on. I am sorry if I forgot anyone.

Good luck, stay strong and remember, "The only easy 'day' here is yester'day!'"

B.I.T.S.

FOBD