Having a really hard time...

[what next?]

Yeah, I meant that the going to eat was an analogy for the whole relationship. I try to get input from her but she doesn't have any then I get frustrated and she goes with whatever my idea was but secretly building up resentment towards me. I'm sure that her perspective is different but I can sincerely say that I WANTED her input and want her to fill fulfilled as a person. I have a dominant personality and I love to debate and I think that a lot of that carried over into my marriage without me realizing it. I would think that my valid argument won out but in reality she was just conceding because she is passive. Our problem was communication and she gets super frustrated when I say that because she feels like she tried everything she could to communicate. I take that on me and have told her that I'm only saying that I didn't get the message, not that she did anything wrong.

Over all I think that she is treating me like I'm her brother... she might have read somewhere that that is what she is supposed to do lol. But maybe she is giving me baby steps that I don't recognize because of how soul wrenching it is to me to hear her speak to me like that.

I know that I didn't validate any of her concerns especially at first. I can say that I *thought* that I was validating them and I understood that whether or not they were real they were her reality BUT I always tried to argue her out of that place. Instead of listening and understanding I was busy trying to talk her out of what she was feeling. I think I'm going to start making all of my happily married friends start reading DB just so they know ahead of time what to look for

On a related note last week a good friend of mine who is completely familiar with my situation had his wife flirting with the idea of dropping the bomb. She said she was scared because she felt numb and like they were roommates. Those are the exact same words that my wife said to me. I sent her the link to the "I'm thinking about leaving thread" and explained to her that feeling that way is normal and that even if she couldn't see past those feelings to a day when she wouldn't feel that way that day would come. I also told the guy to back way off and if she says anything to validate it... i specifically told him that if she says something and he wants to say "yes, I can see that but" ... DON'T Let that sentence out of his mouth lol. Stop before "but" and he did what I said. She already seems to have calmed way down so hopefully she was looking for help as soon as she started feeling anything negative.