Am I piecing ? Just can't tell 3...

[Sad_but_happy]

Hi Bond... The book is divided into one chapter HER needs and one chapter HIS needs and contiues to go back and forth. The first HER needs chapter was on affection. It IS a need for her and it was a good read but unless she wants ME to give the attention, it's hard for her to fully communicate. I will tell you that after we read, she seems upbeat and we discussed a bit.

I think we are in a situation where W does not want to leave the mariage but at the same time does not completely have those "in love" feelings. She used to complain to me that I did not "dream" with her. That's true! She would be looking forward to the future and I was always happy in the present. I now understand how much this hurt her. As I have said before, she has always searched for happiness. Rarely completely happy in the moment. She knows this and really wishes happiness was easier for her.

As for Retrovaille, I'm afraid to bring it up. That would be talking about R. I know what your thinking, we are reading books about R. But to me, the books allow the discussion of R indirectly. We don't discuss R but we are reading about how to improve R. I love this because we are discussing R without discussing R. Make sense?

Honestly, it is harder for me know where we stand lately because we have not seen each other for 6 days due to work. I have to go away for two days the end of next week too which stinks but I gotta work...

Anyway, do you think I need Retrovaille when things seem to be going well?

You know, when I think about my sitch, I feel I am getting closer to letting her go without a fight if that's what she chooses. It will be hard but I can't imagine any harder then if she decided to choose OM.

I know I can be happy without her if it comes to that. Maybe I am detaching some. Not from HER but from the fear of losing her. I think that's the goal. Detach from the fear, not the W.

Anyway, we did not read last night but we talked for over an hour. Nothing about R. In fact, we have talked for over an hour on several occasions... That has to mean someting cause who talks to their W for over an hour when you've been together for 21 years? Maybe this is a sign we are getting to know one another again. Don't know.