Punkin - hope there is no hangover . Our business is still loosing money but there has been a slight improvement....also H has his mind on it more now I think....hasn't left town since November ....OW was coming to see him. Yes it upsets me that I may be forced out of it...but I rather take the cash then being in business with an alien...
Lorie - hope you find a job soon....my goodness you are in prime age 46....if they discriminate against that, there is something seriously wrong with this world.
Bea - Yup not easy for someone our age in this economic climate to find a good job....I actually expect my standard of living to go down...that's the way it is. The stats I was reading said that divorced women are much worst off then divorced men...but that the women catch up in 2 years...
(((hugs all)))
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
Since the meeting with H, where he stormed out, things are fairly cold between us...I guess I'm colder...just don't want to have anything to do with him or see him right now.
Yesterday he called me that he needs to pick-up something from the garage and also I had some papers that he wanted so I left them on the front porch...he confirmed that he is coming in 30 minutes, I needed to leave, but I waited around for him because he doesn't have the remote for the garage anymore...and then D tells me that he already came and picked up the papers from the porch....didn't come in to pick up the stuff he wanted from the garage...I waited for nothing.
Today he calls that he wants to pick-up the stuff from the garage again, asks if it's convenient...I was busy so I said that it's not right now, why doesn't he pick it up later when he drops off D (she is spending time with him in the evening) so he starts pushing his way that he wants to do it NOW, he needs it now...why call at all and ask if it's convenient?...I said whatever, come now then...but really he just has to have his way every single time...like a spoiled child.
H came, I opened the garage and went back to what I was doing, later he came in and said that he is done...fine I closed the garage glad that he is finally gone....15 min later he calls...and get this...he forgot what he came for in the garage....left without it...where is his brain????...had to laugh at that one....
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
15 min later he calls...and get this...he forgot what he came for in the garage....left without it...where is his brain????..
Your H is really cognitively impaired. Unbelievable.
I wanted to tell you about a recent convo with my X-SIL (XH's sister) because there may be parallels with your situation. X-MIL is back in the hospital (she was in the hospital for 5 days last week). I've visited X-MIL 3 days in a row now. Yesterday XH seemed to appreciate my involvement and concern. Today I think he is in shock because her doctor told him today that she most likely has less than 6 months to live. Her kidneys are starting to fail.
Here's the interesting part. I spoke with X-SIL by phone for 30 minutes last night after I visited her mother in the hospital. We normally e-mail but I have to say that I got a lot more information from her by speaking on the phone. You may find this when H's family comes to town. My X-SIL said that my XH didn't tell her everything that was going on with their mother. She sounded a bit frustrated........so XH is not only secretive with me. He is secretive with his sister too. I also asked X-SIL if XH's new persona was his normal persona and said "I've been wondering if the Mr. GAG that I knew as an aberration and that his current persona is the way he has always been". She said "No! Mr. GAG has been acting very strangely for the past 2 years"..........so it was very validating to hear her real perspective. She said things to me in real time that she wouldn't put into writing (e-mail). You may find the same thing with H's family.
I'm also curious about how your FIL's impending death may be affecting your H. I kind of expect my XH to get a lot worse with his mother's health destabilizing. I'll be there to support her, but I'm not sure what my attitude will be toward XH.
Girls, it's the same with me. H shows up with no warning, a 10 foot trailer, and only takes what would have fit in the back of his truck in the first place. Still have stuff of his.
MY friends say it's just his way of keeping one foot in the door at all times. So he can 'drop in' and see if there are signs of another man, etc. Then he has legal papers drawn up, asking for stuff he already has, and for stuff I've been trying to get him to take for months!
ME: 54 Him: 51 M: 20 years T: 21 years OW/New wife: 36 Sons & Daughters: 7 (ages 24-36) Bomb: March 4, 2010 He Filed: April 28, 2010 I Contested: May 1, 2010 Standing Down: 11/24/10 Divorced : 05/04/2011
H came, I opened the garage and went back to what I was doing, later he came in and said that he is done...fine I closed the garage glad that he is finally gone....15 min later he calls...and get this...he forgot what he came for in the garage....left without it...where is his brain????...had to laugh at that one....
Funny and sad all at the same time!
M48 H53 M16 T18 S16 D13 SS30 H drops bomb PA/8-30-09 H leaves 12-30-09 D filed by H 2-10 H asks to come home 4-11 Piecing
Your H is really cognitively impaired. Unbelievable
I really don't know....is his brain so scrambled due to hormonal changes? or is the forgetfulness part of his depression....who knows...
Quote:
I've been wondering if the Mr. GAG that I knew as an aberration and that his current persona is the way he has always been"
that is a good question GAG...I've been asking myself the same thing...although the length of our relationship kind of makes that scenario hard to swallow....but it sure makes me wonder what kind of man he truly is...was he just wearing a mask all this time? or did I just see what I wanted to see...blinded by love...
Quote:
I'm also curious about how your FIL's impending death may be affecting your H
don't know...right now I feel that it could push him further out
Punkin - I hear you...they all seem to read from the same alien instruction manual...at least you now have more space from your alien...I wish I did.
CW - Funny and sad is right
In the last week few more pieces of the puzzle were revealed to me....one of them being that he really doesn't love me anymore, he seems to be settling in his new life and appears convinced that that this is the right thing for him, does what he wants, when he wants without any regard to anyone else's feelings and consequences...selfish, selfish man...he really has no remorse, yes he may feel guilt, but that's about it...Even when he says that he is sorry for what he did it doesn't seem genuine...
When he is friendly with me, wanting to do the "family things", it's not because he has doubts or is divided...it's just another selfish thing...he wants everyone, including me to be OK with what he has done...
Sorry I guess I'm venting a bit...
On the other hand I had another great date with my guy friend...and I'm liking him more and more....am I ready to date? I'm thinking maybe I'm....I've been without any affection for a year and half....I'm just going to move on with my life and see what happens...if the old H ever shows up again, he can try and catch up with me...
Oh yes D spent some time with H last night and today she announces that H is going to be away next week visiting his GF and he offered her his place...that she can stay there while he is gone to learn how to live alone...
When she told me it upset me...and I was thinking why...because she is almost 18 and never was left alone to take care of herself, she may be going away to university in 6 months, so maybe it would be good for her...so I think that I'm upset that he didn't consult with me before he made the offer to her, and maybe also because I feel that I'm slowly loosing her too....that I'll be all alone come September if she stays on campus....it's like all my old life is gone....after being a happy (so I thought) family...I'll end up all alone...that's tough to accept...
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
On the other hand I had another great date with my guy friend...and I'm liking him more and more....am I ready to date? I'm thinking maybe I'm....I've been without any affection for a year and half....I'm just going to move on with my life and see what happens...if the old H ever shows up again, he can try and catch up with me...
Hey Mila and Ladies,
AHHHHHH, H@ll yeah your ready to date......
Took me a while to make that step but you are exactly right....your H may decide to take another look one day and if he "catches up" you may decide to give him a shot.....
and then again you may not......
The page has turned, your life is un-written......
anything is possible.......
Happiness and bliss awaits....
Year and a half.....well.....you know where I stand on that
Oh and BTW you can look at this VVVVVV down here one of 2 ways.
Originally Posted By: Mila
....that I'll be all alone come September if she stays on campus....it's like all my old life is gone....after being a happy (so I thought) family...I'll end up all alone...that's tough to accept...
Hmmmmm.....yeah I will be all alone is one possibility
or
No interuptions whilst Guy Friends are over and.......
well doing what Guy Friends do best!!!!
Sorry to be so forward here ladies.....but you can look at things one of 2 ways.....
You know......the glass is half empty or
the glass is half empty......Hurry up Mr. Guy Friend and fill it up before it runs out!!!!
Cheers
Formerly "missherlove"
Me49 XW49 M17 T19 S16 D20
Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free.
Mila, This is early days in MLC terms. Sorry, but that is the case. His forgetfulness is part of his MLC. I truly thought my h had Alzheimer's for a few months near the beginning, the forgetfulness, erratic behaviour and personality change were so very marked.
In one sense he probably always was wearing a mask, but never doubt that he loved you [and almost certainly does, somewhere in there, and that frightens him too] but he is dealing now with stuff he tried to stuff down.
So yes, you will be alone, and it will be tough, and you will survive. It may also be fun, challenging, and you will move right out of your comfort zone. I would not have chosen this path, but I have learned a lot, and changed a lot.
It is very very tough for your daughter too, my youngest was 18 when all of this happened. They see us hurt, and their faith in their father is shattered, but they don't want it to be.
Think hard about another relationship. We are very critical of our husbands rushing off from us to someone else, but in reality a year and a half without affection, while it feels a long time, isn't a very long gap, after a marriage of over 30 years.
Are you so very sure that you are over your h? And thus ready to date. Many people start another relationship because they feel abandoned and rejected, and don't grieve fully and deeply for their spouse and their marriage. That puts a lot of strain on the new relationship
Missher - you seem to understand the crossroads I'm at....sadness that my old life is no more, the struggle to let go of what once was and a twinge of excitement at the new possibilities coming to my life....and the understanding that anything is possible in the future....sorting through it all
Bea - I really hear you and see your point of view. Of course I'm not over my H, I may never be, but I still need to move forward. My marriage and family were the most important thing in my life, if I had any choice in the matter I would want it back...but I can't...my marriage is just a piece of paper right now. Also I'm 53, I don't have 7 years to stand still and wait for H to finish his MLC...and of course there is no guarantee that he will ever want to comeback. I have to go on and if it means that I'll find a new relationship that will make me happy...great....if I don't well I'll be OK with that too...if H resurfaces and wants to R...I'll cross that bridge when I get to it...I'm still standing...just not standing still
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
. Our business is still loosing money but there has been a slight improvement....also H has his mind on it more now I think....hasn't left town since November ....OW was coming to see him. Yes it upsets me that I may be forced out of it...but I rather take the cash then being in business with an alien...