Losing my motivation....need some advice quick...

[zengypsy]

Greeting my forum friends. Well, today I had to contact my H after us both being dark since 11/5/10. I had to contact him about some insurance reimbursement checks that I have not yet recv'd since November. They go to him because he is the policyholder. I contacted him via email. I kept everything very business like. Here's the email exchange....

Me to H: It looks like there are 5 or so outstanding reimbursement checks from Aetna that you should have recv'd. Can you kindly drop them in the mail them to me if you haven't already? Also, I'm sick and may need to go see Jim. Am I still insured?

H to Me: Yes, you are still insured until after the divorce is final.
I have 2 of the checks. The problem is that I moved and have been trying to get the mail that went to my last apt.
You may have to have Aetna re-issue the other checks. I'll send the two that I have though. Sorry, my life has been extremely hectic over the past few months. Feel better.

Me to H: Ok, thanks for the info. If I have to have Aetna reissue the checks, they will need me to give them your new addy because since you are policyholder, the checks will always be routed through you. I hope I feel better too - thanks

No response after that. I just went into a major tailspin today. I am so afraid to contact my H even for things like this. My hands we shaking when I went to open the email response from him. I had NO idea that he moved again. This will be the 3rd time since 2/6/10. When he first moved out he moved into an apt who's tenants illegally sublet (that lasted 2 mos) and then in May he had gotten his own Studio apt in NYC He had told me he signed a years lease and that he loved his apt. I believe that he is still in NYC and I'm not sure why he moved, where exactly he moved and possibly who's he moved in with. When he first left, as far as I knew, there was OW. Now, not so sure. I have been upset by this all day.

I have been trying to stay focused and using by DB techniques even tho my D is emminent. I've told my H enough times before we went dark and not being pushy that I do not want this D (just agreeing to this on paper) and that the door is open. He always says TY.

I will never have an understanding as to why this D has to happen at all. I am running out of time when the D will be final. My plan was to still DB even tho the D was happening no matter what. At this juncture should I stand down? This is so painful and a part of me feels like I should give up yet another part of me doesn't. I have ALOT of people say he will have regret. How can a WAS/MLC'r be so damn cavalier about leaving their marriage like it was just a speedbump in the road? Like so a matter of fact. I don't understand how a person can be so unfeeling.

Please help me my forum friends.