I have been thinking about some things. Thought I'd share my thoughts.
I know that I agree with most of the oldtimers on a lot of things. But there are some things I see differently.
When we are trying to help someone dealing with anger, it may come across that we are saying that you shouldnt feel angry.
Here's the thing. This stuff s*cks. It's heartwrenching and heartbreaking and life changing. It initially brings you to your knees.
And you go through the stages of grief. Not all in order, not all the time.
And of course, you feel angry. The life you had is over. The future you planned is forever changed. And it was all done by the person you loved and trusted most in the world. | And it seems as if they go off and live their life, leaving financial and emotional ruin in their wake.
And you get angry. Now, here's where I might feel differently then some. I feel that it is ok to be angry. You feel what you feel. You wouldnt be human if you didnt get mad.
But, it is how you deal with the anger that matters.
And how you deal with it depends on where you are. For me, in the beginning, I used it to propel me forward. I used it as a way to protect myself from the emotional breakdown I knew was coming.
Over time, I let it wash over me. I felt it, and then I let it go.
Here's why. If I held onto it, it weighs me down. It stops me from doing what I need to do.
It doesnt mean that I dont hate the things my h has done. But if I let the anger go, I can still feel love and compassion for him.
And that is really for me. Forgiveness frees you. Anger ties you up. If I allow myself to continue to feel anger, then, my h is taking even more from me.
That is also why detaching is so important. When you are really and truly detached, you are not affected by the things he or she says and does anymore.
And I know that many of you think that you are stuck keeping the family together while he or she is off having a ball. Let me tell you, they are not having the time of their lives that you think they are. And who cares if they are? I wouldnt want to be them for anything in the world.
Maybe I am the one who is keeping things together for my son. And taking care of everything else. You know what, I wouldnt have it any other way. You know why? Because I can do it.
When all is said and done, I wouldnt have traded this journey for anything. I am becoming the person I was meant to be. In my own way.
I like me. I like who I am and what I stand for. And if it hadnt been for this, I may never have been able to say that.
So, if you feel anger, do your best to feel it, then let it go.
