Big talk tonight. I am a wreck, need support.

[hope2011]

I think I may have messed up.

H called while driving a couple of hours ago. He decided to drive to the other state, come back tomorrow. He usually hates talking on the phone (even when we were dating or when talking to the boys) but he's bored driving 5 straight hours so didn't mind talking. He was in a good mood when he called, updated me on his work. He's always been good about talking to me about work stuff. He's always known he can talk to me about anything and I'm here. I always encourage his word, build up his self-esteem. He's in sales so he has to be in a good mind frame. So I wasn't surprised that he called. I almost didn't answer but I did. Try a 180 of not answering... but too worried he'd call someone else. It's only been a week since the dating site stuff. So he talks about work, then tells me he's driving on to the other state. Instead of getting quiet, agreeing with him or just trying to not upset him with me (my 180's for the past few weeks), I took a chance and said "I know you have to work, I know you have to meet with these people. You know I've always supported your career and help where I can. But I'm really disappointed that you won't be at the event tomorrow night. I feel unimportant to you when you don't take my job and my requests to heart. I'm trying really hard to be a better wife and make this marriage work but you have to meet me half way. So in the future when there are conflicting events, can we work harder on scheduling so that both of us feel supported?". He got quiet. Then he said "you know I have to work" in an upset tone and I felt us backsliding. I replied calmly "I know you have to work. I'm not ever going to hold back your career. I'm just asking that in times like this when you are able to control the meeting times and make your own schedule that we work more as a team to support both of us and make both of us happy". He said ok and that he could try to reschedule his meetings for earlier tomorrow or this evening and come home earlier to make the event with me. We talked a bit more about the R in that it has only been a week, I feel vulnerable trying so hard and then him going out of town. That I'm not being clingy but that I need him to regain my trust. I'm working on my issues, all my own past relationship ghosts and trying really hard to meet his needs and move forward together but he's got to be patient with me and he's got to meet me half way". He said ok. I changed the subject back to work because I didn't want to drown in R talk and he wasn't responding much so I didn't want to talk at him either. We left the conversation with "I love you", which I said first (he never says it first, not even to the boys - has always been that way). He said it back, which I guess is good and he said he'd call me later and let me know what hotel he's at.

I may have messed up really bad here. I may have pushed him away again.

Girl's night out with friends tonight, badly needed. Trying to GAL.

Need to figure out what to say when he calls, if I should answer. How to not get upset tomorrow when I have to go this event alone and stand around knowing no one. I am not an outgoing person. I tried to find a girlfriend to go with me, no luck.