H's MLC - finding compassion and forgiveness

[Mila]

Thank you GAG, Punkin and CW

GAG -

Your H is really cognitively impaired. Unbelievable

I really don't know....is his brain so scrambled due to hormonal changes? or is the forgetfulness part of his depression....who knows...

I've been wondering if the Mr. GAG that I knew as an aberration and that his current persona is the way he has always been"

that is a good question GAG...I've been asking myself the same thing...although the length of our relationship kind of makes that scenario hard to swallow....but it sure makes me wonder what kind of man he truly is...was he just wearing a mask all this time? or did I just see what I wanted to see...blinded by love...

I'm also curious about how your FIL's impending death may be affecting your H

don't know...right now I feel that it could push him further out

Punkin - I hear you...they all seem to read from the same alien instruction manual...at least you now have more space from your alien...I wish I did.

CW - Funny and sad is right

In the last week few more pieces of the puzzle were revealed to me....one of them being that he really doesn't love me anymore, he seems to be settling in his new life and appears convinced that that this is the right thing for him, does what he wants, when he wants without any regard to anyone else's feelings and consequences...selfish, selfish man...he really has no remorse, yes he may feel guilt, but that's about it...Even when he says that he is sorry for what he did it doesn't seem genuine...

When he is friendly with me, wanting to do the "family things", it's not because he has doubts or is divided...it's just another selfish thing...he wants everyone, including me to be OK with what he has done...

Sorry I guess I'm venting a bit...

On the other hand I had another great date with my guy friend...and I'm liking him more and more....am I ready to date? I'm thinking maybe I'm....I've been without any affection for a year and half....I'm just going to move on with my life and see what happens...if the old H ever shows up again, he can try and catch up with me...

Oh yes D spent some time with H last night and today she announces that H is going to be away next week visiting his GF and he offered her his place...that she can stay there while he is gone to learn how to live alone...

When she told me it upset me...and I was thinking why...because she is almost 18 and never was left alone to take care of herself, she may be going away to university in 6 months, so maybe it would be good for her...so I think that I'm upset that he didn't consult with me before he made the offer to her, and maybe also because I feel that I'm slowly loosing her too....that I'll be all alone come September if she stays on campus....it's like all my old life is gone....after being a happy (so I thought) family...I'll end up all alone...that's tough to accept...