A slow turn

[Bolt]

I'm probably too old fashion to be much help to you b/c I don't believe it is appropriate to have more "guy friends" than women, when you are M. But, here's the thing, you've gotten into a place that you can't say very much (effectively)about suspecting an EA, when you've allowed these type of "friendships" with men.

I do believe that the man should be the primary leader of a family. That is not always welcomed by the W....and especially when the R is rocky....and especially if she's in an EA. Your decisions may not prove to always be popular, but you can't base it on trying to be a great pal (which I don't think that's what you're doing), but on what will have best outcome for your family.

Your W is not happy. She's trying to find happiness in other ways except through a MR with you. Perhaps moving back to family in TN would help her at first, but if the MR isn't what it needs to be, at some point she'll be looking for something else to make her happy.

How long at a time would you have to be gone from home? How do the kids feel about moving and changing schools?

My suggestion is that you try to make a decision based on how strong a father, husband, leader, protector, and provider you could be--in either location. If you are the leader that your family needs, then I think your W will either adjust to that....or else she wouldn't be happy with any decision you made. But, that just "old fashion me".

I think that's the cool thing about we humans is that we do have varying ways of how we live and what we feel is right. I totally agree with you on the "guy friends" thing BUT I know a bunch of women who are like that and their husbands are very comfortable with that. It's the insecurity that helps drive them away.

I guess that's where I'm acting as the leader. I want to act as the leader but realize this is a partnership as well. One of the issues that got us into this mess is that my W doesn't feel that she's been a part of the decision making. It's been all me. Well, for a change, it's almost all her. My "leadership" is taking a backseat for a change. All leaders don't have to be the be all end all - that's caused her to push away so much.

Also, I think that W is unhappy too. BUT it's because of the current situation all around. She has been unhappy with my old self for a long time. She doesn't want to be around that old guy any more. There are a lot of things that are associated with where we live now, I feel. A change of venue will help that too. She needs a support system that she hasn't had (me included) for sometime. Moving closer to family will help that immensely.

BELIEVE me. I don't think that by simply moving, things will be perfect. I do think that she will see just how much I've changed by putting family first. Career to me is now fourth on the list. It's God, me, family, career.

I do appreciate the comments too - even if you feel "old fashioned" I like to hear any varied approaches.