Thanks for responding to my post! I am so thankful and apprecaite it so very much!!
PEI, I get what your saying, but I think when you love someone and they leave town or go away, it is natural to feel bad and miss them, if I am away from my kids I feel the same way, that is really all there it to that, I miss him and want him here with me, so I feel bad. It's not an every minute thing, it's just more in my face the few days after he leaves.
As far as the focus on my XH, you are right, but I come on here to get help about that particular part of my life, so it seems like it is more about him than it is, I am past a lot of that, I live 700 miles away from him, raise our kids, work full time, go to school almost full-time, date sometimes, go out with friends several times a week, etc. I do come here to vent about him and so forth, I think most people on here are here because they want support regarding their R, and it is great advice to tell them to make it about themselves, but none of us would be here if it weren't for the MLC'er and all the chaos they bring our life.
I didn't mean to imply that I could do anything to bring him out of the tunnel, but just wonder if his time up here with us seeing how good it is and how much he is missing out on will bring him out faster or not. I won't ever have that answer, but I question still, it is who I am. I want to make the best and as close to right choices, and hearing what has or hasn't worked for others is so great!! I have zero expectations for me and XH, he is on his own path and contiues to let outside things such as OW's, drinking, friends with bad advice, etc. block his path, but that is his choice and I can't do anything more to unblock it for him. Every choice he makes is out of my control but, I am confident one day he will clear his path and it will lead him home, whether I am in the home it leads him to or not remains to be seen.
I do need 2x4's every once in awhile, that is forsure, cause I let my mind race about what if anything I can do, should do or shouldn't do. I have had NC with XH since he left here except for the text that he got home, then out of the blue at like 9:30 pm last night he texts me and thanks me for job postings I sent him. I responded with "ur welcome" and that was it. But, it makes my mind go to a place I know it shouldn't..thinking.."he's thinking about us at night, that is a good thing", it might or might not be...the key to knowing I have made great strides and progress is that even though my mind went there, my actions didn't, I did nothing, whereas before I would have pushed either via another text or something. Moments in my days are about him, but 99% of them aren't. That is huge for me, but I do backslide a lot and share it here!!
Myname, I will send you a private message with my story and if you want to we can chat that way. I don't know where to find my original story, thanks so much for asking, I think we can support each other!!
A
Me-40 XH-44 T-21 M-18 Div-19 mo. D-18,S-15,D-11 Bomb-7/07 EA,PA Mvd out-9/07-to give me space mvd back-12/07 mvd out-7/08 back with OW since 2/08 OW broke it off-1/10 in and out of tunnel and our life since!!
